Letter to an Abuser

As you may know, I run a support group at my church for women who have been sexually abused or assaulted called Beyond the Silence. In this group, one of the many difficult things that we do is write a letter to our abusers. We don't give it to them. We write it for ourselves. We write it because while naming and describing the evil done to us does not ensure automatic personal healing, it does however provide clarity. If it is not defined, named or described, then it remains hidden. Telling the truth about sexual assault by acknowledging the traumatic experience is one important aspect of healing. The only way to move from denial, isolation, and self-protection is to look honestly at the assault that has been committed. Healing begins when the secret is disclosed and the shackles of silence are broken. I say this letter is for ourselves because, while confronting your abuser may seem like the right thing to do, it is different for each person. For some it might be a great thing to do. They may confront their abuser, receive an apology, and feel a sense of freedom or closure. However, for others, confrontation may only worsen the effects of the assault. For example, I wrote a letter to the man who kidnapped me but I didn't give it to him because I know that he isn't remorseful. Confronting him probably won't lead to an apology, but I don't need one from him. Would it be amazing if he suddenly was remorseful and sincerely apologized? Yes! But I don't need it to move on and continue my healing. That is something that every survivor must come to realize someday in order to continue their healing as well.


Writing this letter to your abuser is never easy. Many women find it too difficult to do. Even though they're writing it only for themselves to read, they're still reliving details from their pasts that they've desperately kept hidden for a long time. One of the women in my group wrote a letter to her abuser and she gave me permission to share it with you. I hope it touches your heart the way it did mine.

Emily,

It has taken me 34 years to be able to deal with the pieces of broken glass you left me with. To be able to look in the mirror and not hate what I see; not hate how I feel; not be suspicious of everyone who tried to hug me, to love me or be my friend. It's sad to think that you may not remember what you did. I cannot fathom that a predator like you would forget the pleasure you found when you sexually assaulted my sister and I at the ages of 8 and 10. Now that I am a mother of four I have thought back to when they were 8 and 10 and it made me sick to the core of my being that someone could look at them in the perverse and unnatural way you looked at us. I couldn't bear the thought of what you did to us being done to them. But enough of that. This letter is to share some very important information with you. If you'll understand or even care is irrelevant, but I need to return to you what you left me with back in 1980; back in my sister's bedroom, on the bottom bunk of their bunk beds as you muffled my cries with your nasty hand.  

I return to you the shame, feelings of unworthiness, anger, bitterness, sexual dysfunction, fear of the dark, fear of intimacy, and self-loathing. These feelings have now been replaced. My spirit, my body, and my heart now speak a language that is foreign to you.....strength.

I return to you the 100 billion tears I've shed; the 100 billion sleepless nights; the 100 billion thoughts of hate towards you and replace them with steps towards being made whole and feeling free.

I also return to you the pain and angst that penetrated the core of my being every day. That made me question everything and everyone; which left me trusting no one and hating my future because I couldn't see anything but your face smirking at me.

I return to you that ache that sat in my womb at the thought of someone doing to my kids what you did to me.

Now that I've returned all these things to you, I am also going to give you something; something that isn't for you Emily, but for me.....forgiveness. Forgiveness because although I am working on being a better me, I cannot do this without exorcising this hate I have for you. It's been the cancer that has gone undetected and undiagnosed for years. It's the cancer which almost ended my life on many occasions. But I have found the perfect physician who offered me a cure. His name is Jesus Christ and His cure for my disease is forgiveness. You should make an appointment with Him and ask Him to forgive you too. Maybe then, when your time comes, you won't rot in Hell with the other pedophiles and sexual predators. Make no mistake, I would love to see you squirm and suffer; to hear you scream and know that no one is coming to your aid; to see what your life would be like after an experience like that, but, because of you, I've been brought to a place with some amazing survivors. With a group of women who have endured and who aren't willing to let people like you destroy our futures. I've learned that everyone isn't cruel; that I'm not abnormal; that I'm not meant to be a shell taking up space.

Writing this letter to you is me making the assumption that you're literate and capable of recognizing and admitting what you did to me and my little sister. But it is also my way of saying goodbye to your unwelcome existence in my life. I'm learning to pick up my mat and walk by faith, one step at a time.

Anne

Daughter of a King

Thank you Anne for letting me share your letter. And, yes, all that's dead inside can be reborn...even if you're worn.

"But you be strong and do not lose courage, for there is reward for your work." - 2 Chronicles 15:7

 

WORN by Tenth Avenue North

♥ Diana
(aka Jurney Eve)

April 28, 2012

April 28, 2012...The 21st anniversary of the day I was kidnapped, sexually assaulted and almost murdered by a stranger while riding my bicycle.

Every April for me has been a time of reflection. Usually I end up spending April 28th by myself. It's kind of become a tradition for me. I know that must sound sad but it's not...well not anymore. During the early years after my assault, I would sit around and feel sorry for myself. Sorry for everything I had lost that day. Sorry for the person I once was. Sorry for the person I would never be. Just sorry. Sorry and sad.

But in the last few years, when April rolls around, I've had new feelings. I no longer feel sorry for the person I once was. Instead I embrace the woman I've become. I'm grateful for what I have and I appreciate life so much more now.

I've told you before that every April I think about something I could do to help myself heal a little more. Usually I say, 'This year I'll ride a bicycle.' In fact, I've said that every April up until 2011. The thought of getting back on a bicycle would create such anxiety for me that I couldn't work up the courage to follow through with it. I didn't know what emotions it would trigger inside of me. But this year I didn't have to say, 'This year I'll ride a bicycle,' because that's a milestone I have already passed. Last December I bought myself a bicycle and I rode it.

 So what did I say I would do this year? This is actually the first year that I didn't make any resolutions, which I think is a milestone in itself. Nope, I didn't make any because it wasn't necessary. Every year I made those resolutions because there was a part of me that I felt was missing but not this year.

This April 28th was very different from the last 20 April 28ths. I didn't make any resolutions and I didn't spend it alone.

This April 28 was the Victim Service Center of Central Florida's 1st annual Ride to Reach event, which was inspired by my story.

I spent April 28, 2012 with 200 or so people bringing awareness to sexual violence. I spent it on a stage where I spoke to the crowd. I spent it with some of my family and friends. I spent it decorating a t-shirt for The Clothesline Project. I spent it riding my bicycle for 17 miles...in the bike lane! And, what I consider the biggest milestone of all, I spent it with Renee and Tara, the ex-wife and the daughter of the man who kidnapped me!

That may sound strange to you and if it does I only have one thing to say...BUY MY BOOK! IT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING!

Meeting Renee and Tara was amazing! We had been communicating with each other for a little more than a year but we had never officially met. I was only a little nervous about meeting them. Mostly I was just excited. I knew from our past communications that I would feel completely at ease with them. I won't lie. There were tears, but they were tears of joy. As Tara puts it, "It was a big cry fest!"

So how do I top this years' April 28th? It was such a phenomenal day for me. I'm still having a hard time thinking that it was real - Just kidding! Of course I know it was real. That would make me crazy! - What I'm trying to say is...I cannot believe all of the milestones I've overcome this April 28th.

I am so grateful to everyone who made this day possible. All of the people who came out to support me. All of the businesses who sponsored the event and who set up booths. Everyone who bought my book, Intended Harm. Renee and Tara for flying down all the way from upstate New York. Avalon Park Group for providing us with the best location I could have asked for and the Victim Service Center of Central Florida, for which I couldn't have done this without them.

But in truth, none of this would have been possible without God's help. Was it my idea to move to Florida or was it God's? Was it my idea to connect with the Victim Service Center or was it God's? Was it my idea to create a bike-a-thon based around my story or was it God's? Was it Renee and Tara's idea to fly to Florida to be a part of Ride to Reach or was it God's?

I believe it was all God's. God has His hands in all of this. I can't wait to see where He takes me next.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the lord, "plans to prosper you and 

not to harm you, plans to give you hope and future." - Jeremiah 29:11-14

♥ Jurney 

Zombie Daughter

Today I want to share something that a friend of mine shared with me recently. Not too long ago she attended a journaling and collage workshop called Art For The Heart. The workshop starts out with everyone choosing random pictures from a table. You're told to just choose whatever "speaks" to you. Don't worry about what or why, just choose. Then you take a seat and make a collage out of the pictures you've chosen and when you're all done you complete a journaling exercise based on your collage. She said she was surprised by how much each collage seemed to represent her. That making them contributed to her healing. She said it was an amazingly spiritual experience for her. Painful at times because when completing the journaling exercise some old wounds came to the surface and she was forced to deal with them, but overall it was an incredibly rewarding experience that she highly recommends.

She gave me permission to share one of her collages with you. This particular collage deals with a dark time in her life after her decision to abort her baby and the shame and regret she felt for so long because of it. I think it is truly a beautiful thing when someone allows others to see their pain. It's not an easy thing to do, especially when a Christian is opening up about abortion. There is a lot of healing power in that, not only for the person sharing it but for the ones who witness it. So I hope Kristy's art touches you as much as it has touched me.

                           (Sorry about the picture quality. I took it with my phone. I wish I had taken a 

better picture so you could see it how I did.)

Zombie Daughter

I am the Zombie Daughter. I am the one who feels nothing. I am emotionally dead. I am buried in stench and death because I took my child's opportunity for life! I am the one who goes through life in a zombie-like state covering over who I really am, hoping someone will hear me scream behind my veil.

The Zombie Daughter was with me for 19 years-imprisoned by shame, self-hatred, guilt and unforgiveness. She thinks she deserves to be surrounded by the stench of death. The dark, bloody cloud is always hovering over her, keeping her down. She tries to creep up with her attitude of unforgiveness at times but has in every other way and for this particular sin...she has been saved.

At the time, during those years, I was her judge, jury, and convictor. She didn't deserve life, joy, forgiveness, love and absolutely, without question, did not deserve the love of God. He would think she was despicable in His holy presence! 

In no way does she reveal God's dignity!

Oh Lord, this was my scarlet letter. My choice. My abortion buried me; buried my soul in a pit of death's stench! I am so forgiving of others but was last to forgive myself...as if to say what Jesus did on the cross wasn't big enough to cover my sin. How could I say that?!? How arrogant! It absolutely was and I am forever grateful to Him for forgiving me.

"You know I was with you-even then. 

I have shown you how I loved you even 

as this choice was being made!! 

You chose to shut me out. I tried to woo you even then! 

She was always my daughter. I cried with her! 

I know of every tear that was shed behind that veil.

Each one was and is precious to me. 

I removed the stench of death. 

I breathed in forgiveness, life, love, joy 

and I see nothing but beauty my daughter!"

I love you Father!

Breaking Free

Today I did something I have been planning on doing for the last twenty years.

I bought a bicycle and I rode it.

If you are not familiar with my story you may be thinking, "Big deal! What's so special about that?" Well, I'll tell you.

Twenty years ago, I was riding my bicycle when a man ran me over with his pickup truck...on purpose. Yes, on purpose! After running me over he did a slew of other things to me which landed him in prison and me in a sort of prison of my own. In my prison, I felt as if everyone around me was trying to hurt me so I had to constantly be on my guard. I couldn't go to certain places or I couldn't do certain things because they would make me vulnerable. I lived in fear of everyone around me. I looked at each and every person as a possible crazy person who just wanted to hurt me. I stopped doing a lot of things because of this fear of "what could happen to me". One of which was riding a bicycle. 

For a long time, I felt I couldn't get back on a bicycle because it would remind me of that day and of what that man did to me. But lately, I've been dealing with my memories instead of suppressing them and because of that I thought it was time for me to deal with  this fear as well. 

I could get back on a bicycle. 

But when I let myself really think about it and imagine myself riding on the side of the road with my back to traffic, I had a mini panic attack.  It felt like my blood was racing through my veins. I could feel my heart pounding inside of my chest. As much as I wanted to tackle this next obstacle, I wasn't sure if I actually could. 

But who says you have to ride on the side of the road with your back to traffic? Well, I guess technically the law says that but have you ever seen anyone actually enforce it?.......Me neither. So I've decided I would buy a bicycle and I would ride it on the sidewalk. 

I'm such a rebel! 

And that's exactly what I did today and I'm going to do it again tomorrow.

What did you do today?

♥ Jurney Eve

It's OK To Tell by Lauren Book

I just read a book called It's Ok To Tell by Lauren Book and I simply MUST recommend it to you.

Lauren was a victim of childhood sexual abuse for six years at the hands of her nanny starting at the age of 11. She kept her abuse a secret for all of those years because her abuser knew exactly how to keep Lauren silent through manipulation and fear. In her book, Lauren gives you a unique insight into what she was feeling during the abuse and why she felt she couldn't tell anyone what was happening to her.

What I find so amazing about it is how she answers the question that so many victims of childhood sexual abuse face...and that is...Why didn't you tell someone about your abuse?

I am also in awe of Lauren's courage. Not only did she have the strength to tell her story but she had the strength to face people and their accusations.

When I reported my rape, no one questioned whether or not I was raped.
No one asked me why I went for a bike ride all by myself.
No one asked me why I was wearing what I was wearing.
No one asked me if I enjoyed it.

Lauren had to endure questions that no rape victim should ever have to answer.

She inspires me. Not only does she have the courage to tell but she is truly making a difference. Armed with the knowledge that 95 percent of sexual abuse is preventable through education, Lauren has worked to turn her horrific personal experience into a vehicle to prevent childhood sexual abuse and heal survivors by starting Lauren's Kids.

Lauren's Kids encourages victims to "shine a light in dark places" and "shed the shame." Lauren's Kids is based in South Florida and educates adults and children about sexual abuse topics through in-school curriculum, a 24-hour Crisis Hotline and speaking engagements around the country. She also has taken proactive efforts to make Florida a safer place through advocacy for the passage of State Laws that protect and help victims heal and become survivors.

Lauren's Kids holds an annual, statewide "Walk in My Shoes" event, which brings together survivors and advocates on a walk across Florida to raise awareness and promote supportive legislation. This year I am going to show my appreciation for Lauren by participating in the third annual Walk in My Shoes event on February 4th.

Won't you consider joining me?



♥ Jurney Eve

True Colors

Today I feel like I have a huge hole in my heart.

Somebody I love with my absolute whole heart is in pain and I feel powerless to help her.

How can someone who is amazingly gifted, beautiful, smart, inspiring, loving...How can they not see themselves the way everyone else does?

Here I go, being all hypocritical, when in fact, it wasn't that long ago that I struggled with my own self-esteem. I think everybody struggles with that from time to time. When it was me, I remember just how awful I felt about myself. I also remember all of the things I did to try and boost my self-esteem. I guess that's why I am so sad right now. I don't want her to do what I did. I don't want her to inadvertently hurt herself on her quest for perfection.

Everything within me wants to wrap her in my arms and tell her how much I love her and just how important she is to me...and to so many other people. I want to tell her, fail or succeed it doesn't matter. She can make a million mistakes...it doesn't matter. She is perfectly imperfect...just like everyone else.

People beat themselves up on a daily basis trying to be perfect...trying to look perfect...trying to act perfect. But how boring would this world be if everyone was the same? We would have no music...no lyrics...no artists...no actors...no athletes...no books...(*gasp*)

Think about your favorite musician. Now think about what would have become of them if they allowed their uniqueness to be stifled in the hopes of being and looking and acting like everyone else. 

Embrace your uniqueness. Embrace your beautiful self. Because you ARE beautiful!

All of those things that make you different are the things that people treasure most about you.

"For You created my inmost being: 

You knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made."

Psalm 139:13-14

♥ Jurney Eve

Let It RAINN

So, my first day as a volunteer advocate at my local Victims Service Center went well. They told me they would like to use me at the SATC (Sexual Assault Treatment Center) where I could be there to support the victims that come in for treatment within 72 hours after they've been assaulted. It will be my job to comfort them and provide them with information about what to expect next.

What to expect if she/he decides to report the assault.

What to expect if she/he decides not to report the assault.

What types of emotions and coping mechanisms they can expect.

What will happen if their case goes to trial.

Where they can look for victim's compensation.

But most importantly, I will be there to comfort them.

I didn't have a victims advocate when I was assaulted. I don't know why. Maybe I was offered one but I refused. I don't remember much about what happened after I was rescued. It was like my brain shut down once it knew I was safe. The only thing I do remember with acute clarity was Tina, my quiet comforter. Tina was a girl that I went to school with and for some reason that I still do not know, she was there with me.  She stood silently next to me while chaos broke loose around me. We barely spoke to each other but just having her near me was comforting. She wasn't an adult. She wasn't a police officer. She wasn't a paramedic. She was just a girl from my high school but she's the only person I remember clearly out of all of my rescuers from that day.

Maybe I can be that for somebody.

I have come such a long way since that day. Heck, I've come a long way since 2007 when I finally worked up the courage to share my story online. Back then it was still too painful to talk about. That's why I chose to write about it. But it wasn't just writing about it that made me feel better. It was interacting with other survivors online that made me realize that I wasn't a freak for feeling the way I did.

Back then I wasn't able to talk about how I was kidnapped and raped so I never went to counseling. I never had the courage to call a hotline or anything.  If there was an online hotline or support group I might have been all over that. But there wasn't...until now. Now there is a completely anonymous, online hotline that victims and their families can go to for support as well as information about recovery, medical issues, the criminal justice process, and local resources that can help them too. It is provided by RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network).

RAINN is the nation's largest anti-sexual violence organization and it was named one of "America's 100 Best Charities" by Worth magazine. RAINN provides support through their hotlines, educates the public about sexual violence, and works with policy makers to improve the system for the victims. Many changes have come about since my assault in 1991 and RAINN played a huge part in that.

I personally am a proud supporter of RAINN as well as a member of their Speakers Bureau. If you are a victim of sexual violence or abuse, I strongly urge you to use one of RAINN's hotlines. You can call 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) or you can go online at online.rainn.org.

I wish I hadn't waited sixteen years before I started talking about my assault. I wish I hadn't allowed it to control so much of my life for so long. And I wish that my story will inspire others to come forward and end their silence as well.

There is power in your voice.

♥ Jurney Eve

I Don't Want To Gain The Whole World And Lose My Soul

I feel that God has been throwing a message at me over the past few months or so. Whether it's through the words of others; the books I've read; lyrics of the songs I've heard; emails or even through Facebook status updates. I feel that God has been trying to remind me that He is not done working in my life. I am not finished growing. My journey is not over. And while I already knew this, I have to admit that I have become a little too comfortable in my relationship with God. A few years ago, when I was writing my book, I was constantly seeking God's healing and guidance. I REALLY needed it because I was in such a bad emotional state.

But I had made such an incredible breakthrough after writing my book. To me, nothing short of a miracle had happened during that time in my life. All of the healing and growing that took place within me was nothing short of a miracle.

A miracle that I was even talking about how I was kidnapped and raped.

A miracle that I had learned how to feel whole again after sixteen years of feeling lost, worthless, broken, unlovable, unfixable, abnormal.

You get the idea.

For the last few years, I have felt so strong in my faith. I was ready to change the world one broken heart at a time. I was running the race I felt God had laid out before me. But I think that I got so caught up in trying to figure out how I could help other people that I stopped trying to figure out how to keep helping myself. And after a while, I started doubting myself. I started feeling discouraged, like I was never going to accomplish all of the things that I wanted to; all of the things that I felt God was calling me to accomplish.

But He has reminded me that I can't take care of others if I don't take care of myself. And so, I need to bring the focus back around to me. Oh, I'm not going to stop reaching out and encouraging others. I'm still going to volunteer at the Victims Service Center, volunteer as a member of RAINN's Speaker Bureau, write my second edition and still raise a little money for the occasional charity on the side, but I will remember to take time to spend with God.

We all lead busy, busy lives but we must remember to take a little time, even if it's only 5 minutes, for ourselves. Pick up your Bible and let it fall open to a random passage; or start at the beginning...I recommend the New Testament...and read a few verses every day. I've started in Ephesians. If we don't take the time to connect with Him and focus on ourselves then we will never be truly happy or be as successful as He meant for us to be.

Faith is not a constant without maintenance and always remember..."I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

♥ Jurney Eve

The journey: The Royal Rule

 This was written by my friend Lori and I loved it so much that I wanted to share it with you. What a great message. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

The journey: The Royal Rule:


♥ Jurney Eve

♥ I Couldn't Have Said it Better Myself ♥

I use the hand upon my arm,
To write of your intended harm…
The hand you tied to torture me,
But see, your torture set me free….

I use the mouth upon my face,
To share your act of such disgrace…
The mouth you gagged to torture me,
But see, your torture set me free….

I use the ears upon my head,
To listen to others, feeling lost and dead…
The head you struck to torture me,
But see, your torture set me free….

I use my God , Who died for me,
He carries me when it’s hard to see….
The God I questioned when you tortured me,
But see, your torture set me free….

You intended me harm, and you could have won,
But, my life is MY journey, and I’m not yet done.

I’m sharing my story, I’m spreading THE WORD,
I’m winning the battle, in case you’ve not heard…

I’ve gone from victIM to victORY,
Because see, your torture set me free!!

 

 ♥ Stacie Lewis

April 28, 2011

April 28...Is there anybody else out there that thinks of April 28 as significant? Is there anybody else out there that counts the days in April until the 28 is upon them?



I used to think of April 28 as a day of mourning. I would mope around all day feeling sorry for myself. I would think about all of the directions my life might have taken if only I had stayed home on April 28, 1991 instead of taken that infamous bike ride. If only I hadn't gone off on my own that day, then maybe I wouldn't have been kidnapped. If only I had listened to my gut when it tried to warn me. All of the "if only"s used to focus around me and how what happened to me could have been avoided "if only".

Well, it's been 20 years since April 28, 1991 and I have come a long way since then.

While today is still a day of reflection and sadness for me, it has evolved into a day of joy as well.


A day of joy because I am no longer that broken little girl who cowers in corners.


A day of joy because I have learned how to deal with my pain instead of suppress it.

A day of joy because if this never happened to me I might not have turned to God for help.


A day of joy because I have finally learned how to forgive.


Twenty years is a long time for someone to hide their pain. If you happen to be one of the millions of people in this country who are hiding their pain behind a smile, I want you to know that you are not alone! I spent half of my life hiding behind a smile and I do not recommend it.


Let's transform April 28. Instead of it being the anniversary of the day I was kidnapped, raped and almost murdered, let's make it a day of transformation, hope and forgiveness. We could think of some clever little name for it and years from now we would hear people say "Happy ___________!"


I don't know.


What I do know is that I will not mope around on April 28, 2011. I will instead chose to remember my jurney and all of the things I've learned along the way. I hope you too take this day to reflect on your life and remember to count your blessings.

Happy Jurney Eve!

♥Jurney

Imperfect People: The stealing of innocence: Ophelia’s story

I just HAD to share this with you.


Imperfect People | The stealing of innocence: Ophelia’s story



♥Jurney 

Chances and Changes

God has been opening some pretty big doors for me lately. Ever since I started on my "journey to heal"...which is what I refer to as the last four years of my life; from the time I got the idea to write about being kidnapped to the present day...I've been asking God to show me what He wants me to do with my story. Who does He want me to help? I want to help as many people as I can. I just don't know how to get started doing that.


I know I'm not going to help anyone unless I put myself out there and talk about it. The problem I'm having is I'm not sure who to approach. My story isn't for everyone. My story is about surviving and healing from a violent sexual assault, which isn't exactly geared for a mainstream audience. But one might think I could approach women's clinics or charity groups or something along those lines. But another very important aspect of my story, and I think the most important aspect, is the relationship I developed with God throughout the last 20 years of my life, which is responsible for healing me. If it wasn't for God I wouldn't be the person I am today. Therefore, I believe I must include Him when I share my story.


Do you see my dilemma?


So...back to the doors that God is opening for me...




Apparently April is Sexual Assault Awareness month and many places all around the nation are raising awareness by hosting events and I have been asked to speak at one of them. On April 14th I will share my story, my whole story, God and all, to approximately 300 people at a college in upstate NY! Is this my answer from God?  We'll see. I'm so excited yet completely terrified at the same time. I'll let you know how that goes.
 


I'm still working on the second edition of Intended Harm but I don't think my goal of having it finished by the end of spring is going to happen because of another huge, life altering change that is about to happen in my family. We are being relocated to Florida this summer with my husband's job. He actually leaves on April 6th because they need him by April 11th, but the kids and I will stay behind to finish out the school year. So I will, essentially, be a single mother to three kids for a couple of months, while working two jobs, editing my book, writing a speech and I'll also be responsible for packing everything we own. I'm very grateful but at times I feel completely overwhelmed. 


Oh no! Look at the time! I'm gonna have to wrap this up because I have to be at my daughter's school in a few minutes. It's Wednesday and on Wednesdays I volunteer in her classroom. 

Thank you God for all of the blessings in my life. 

♥Jurney 

Laura Story - Blessings [HQ]

Ignorance Is Bliss

I have another "it's a small world after all" stories for you.

Anna is one of my best friends. We've been friends for almost four years now and while I have always knew that her biological father was in prison for murder, it wasn't something that came up in conversation often. The few times we did talk about it, she told me that all she knew was that her father was in prison in a different state for murder and rape. I got the impression that the subject made her uncomfortable...and understandably so...therefore, I didn't press the issue. I knew that she wanted to know more but every time she asked a family member they wouldn't give her anymore details than that.

Now, I don't know if Anna was inspired by my recent contact with *Tara...you DO remember *Tara, right? *Mr. Smith's daughter? If you don't, stop reading right now...I'm serious...and go read my blog entry titled "All In God's Time"...So, as I was saying...I don't know if Anna was inspired by my recent contact with *Tara, but she had decided to do a little research on her father and has uncovered a little more truth than she was prepared for.

It wasn't much more information than she already had but she did learn of a description of her father's victim that she did not have prior to her research excursion. Having a description of his victim, after all these years, has "humanized" her to Anna. She has told me that for the last 20+ years, she has tried not to think about what her father did. He was convicted when she was only six months old. She has never had a relationship with him of any kind and maybe that helped her keep his past discretions out of her mind, but now...all she can think about is her father's victim and the victim's family. She constantly wonders how they're doing. How have they been dealing with their loss? She feels utterly disgusted that his DNA actually runs through her veins. She wonders if his DNA affects her?

I'm really worried about Anna and I don't know how to help her. Normally, I am a pretty good advice giver...at least I think so...but I have a hard time relating to Anna's pain. I have always been on the victim's side. Until recently, I haven't given her side of the story TOO much thought.

Maybe I should introduce her to my new friend *Tara?

♥Jurney Eve