Stop & Pray

Today I was saddened to hear about a cycling accident that happened in my neighborhood this weekend. A 53 year old man was struck and killed by a car while riding his bicycle in the bike lane. The car was driven by an 18 year old boy who was smoking synthetic marijuana while driving. And while I didn't know the man who was killed it doesn't stop the fact that this story has triggered feelings in me I didn't expect to feel. 

As some of you know, I was also struck by a car while riding my bicycle in the bike lane, although the person who hit me hit me on purpose in order to kidnap me. Because of what happened to me, I was afraid to even get back on a bicycle. It took me 20 years before I summoned enough courage to do it and even then I couldn't bring myself to ride in the bike lane. I have been riding my bike again for almost a year now and when I do, I ride it on the sidewalk. The only exception to that was on April 28, 2012 when I rode my bike in the 1st annual Ride to Reach event, which was inspired by my story. That was the only time I rode in the bike lane and I only did because I was accompanied by the East Side Cycling Club who rode alongside me and made me feel safe. When I hear this story, it reinforces my fear of the bike lane. Cyclists are so vulnerable compared to a car. One second of inattentiveness from a driver is all it takes. 

My heart goes out to the family of the man who was killed. 

I have feelings of anger toward the driver of the car. I find myself judging him and I have to remind myself not to. 

It's not my place to judge. 

I have strange feelings of empathy toward him as well because, unfortunately, I can somewhat relate to him. After I was kidnapped, I went through a very dark period of depression that lasted for years. As I mentioned in my book, I abused drugs and alcohol during that time and I made many, many bad choices. I'm not proud to say this, but I drove under the influence many times back then. It's only by God's grace that I didn't hurt anyone. I certainly could have. I can't imagine what this young man will have to live with for the rest of his life. 

His bad choice killed someone! 

No, I will not judge him. Instead I'll pray for him. And as I ride my bike today...on the sidewalk...I will pass by the spot where this tragic accident happened and I will stop and I will pray.

♥ Jurney    

Breaking Free

Today I did something I have been planning on doing for the last twenty years.

I bought a bicycle and I rode it.

If you are not familiar with my story you may be thinking, "Big deal! What's so special about that?" Well, I'll tell you.

Twenty years ago, I was riding my bicycle when a man ran me over with his pickup truck...on purpose. Yes, on purpose! After running me over he did a slew of other things to me which landed him in prison and me in a sort of prison of my own. In my prison, I felt as if everyone around me was trying to hurt me so I had to constantly be on my guard. I couldn't go to certain places or I couldn't do certain things because they would make me vulnerable. I lived in fear of everyone around me. I looked at each and every person as a possible crazy person who just wanted to hurt me. I stopped doing a lot of things because of this fear of "what could happen to me". One of which was riding a bicycle. 

For a long time, I felt I couldn't get back on a bicycle because it would remind me of that day and of what that man did to me. But lately, I've been dealing with my memories instead of suppressing them and because of that I thought it was time for me to deal with  this fear as well. 

I could get back on a bicycle. 

But when I let myself really think about it and imagine myself riding on the side of the road with my back to traffic, I had a mini panic attack.  It felt like my blood was racing through my veins. I could feel my heart pounding inside of my chest. As much as I wanted to tackle this next obstacle, I wasn't sure if I actually could. 

But who says you have to ride on the side of the road with your back to traffic? Well, I guess technically the law says that but have you ever seen anyone actually enforce it?.......Me neither. So I've decided I would buy a bicycle and I would ride it on the sidewalk. 

I'm such a rebel! 

And that's exactly what I did today and I'm going to do it again tomorrow.

What did you do today?

♥ Jurney Eve