Forgiveness-The Prisoner That it Really Frees is You

Forgiving someone who's done you wrong is one of the hardest things to do. I know because I've done it. 

For those of you who aren't familiar with my story, I was kidnapped by a stranger when I was 17 years old. It took me a very, very long time to forgive that man, but with God's help I finally did. 

Just to give you some perspective on how long it took me to truly forgive; I was kidnapped in 1991 and I didn't forgive him, I mean truly forgive him until 2007. It took me 16 years to forgive the man who kidnapped me, sexually assaulted me and tried to murder me. 

I must have said "I forgive him" about a dozen times before 2007 but the hurt was always there proving to me that I hadn't, even though I wanted to. I tried. Over and over again I would pray and ask God to help me forgive that man but over and over again I found myself bound up with all the pain of my assault that I hadn't dealt with yet. It wasn't until I started releasing that pain that I started experiencing forgiveness.

"Total forgiveness is a choice. It is not a feeling-at least not at first-but rather an act of the will."

I had made a choice to forgive and that's the first step. You've got to want to forgive the person who's wronged you. And maybe, like me, you'll have to forgive over and over again until you "feel" like you've forgiven. Maybe you're holding onto something that's keeping you from truly forgiving, like I was. I was holding onto my memories of my assault. I was keeping them locked up tight inside of me. But I've learned that you've got to let "it" out so you can let God in.

Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting. It doesn't condone that person's actions against you and it's never as easy as you think it's gonna be.

Today, I'm going to take my forgiveness one step further by praying for the man who kidnapped me. This is actually something I've been doing for some time now but today I feel led to really focus on him. Maybe this sounds strange to you but I know that only through God will this man be healed. Only by experiencing Christ's love will he be free of the demons that have ruled his heart for so long. So, if you feel compelled to pray with me, I ask that you say this prayer with me now.

"Dear Jesus. I lift up my perpetrator to you. I ask that you touch his heart; surround him with your presence and love. I ask that You extend Your grace and mercy to him. Let him know that I forgive him. For every wrong he's committed against me, I forgive him. I pray that one day soon he'll come to know and love You the way I do. I give thanks in advance for everything You're doing in my life and in his life and in everyone's life that has been touched by this sin. In Jesus' name I pray...Amen"

Forgiveness

It's the hardest thing to give away
And the last thing on your mind today
It always goes to those that don't deserve

It's the opposite of how you feel
When the pain they caused is just too real
It takes everything you have just to say the word...

Forgiveness

It flies in the face of all your pride
It moves away the mad inside
It's always anger's own worst enemy
Even when the jury and the judge
Say you gotta right to hold a grudge
It's the whisper in your ear saying 'Set It Free'

Forgiveness
 

Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible

Forgiveness
 

It'll clear the bitterness away
It can even set a prisoner free
There is no end to what it's power can do
So, let it go and be amazed
By what you see through eyes of grace
The prisoner that it really frees is you

Forgiveness
 

I want to finally set it free
So show me how to see what Your mercy sees
Help me now to give what You gave to me
 

Forgiveness

BY MATTHEW WEST

Thank you.

♥ Diana

(aka Jurney Eve)

God I Need You Now

 Are you struggling with something right now and you feel like you keep praying and praying but nothing seems to be happening? How many times have you cried out, "God please take this!"?

 Most of us are standing at a road we didn't plan but that doesn't mean we should give up. I know from experience that when we pray to God sometimes He answers with a 'Yes', sometimes He answers with a 'No' and sometimes He says, 'Not yet.' 

I don't know why God does the things He does but I trust Him and I know that He knows what's best for me...and what's best for you. Please don't stop reaching for Him. 

"He has made everything beautiful in its time."

 Ecclesiastes 3:11

Need You Now - by Plumb

VIDEO MADE BY BRENTON BECK

♥ Diana

Never Forgotten - Andrea Gail Parsons

I've always been a firm believer that the Lord works in mysterious ways. He brings people into our lives for reasons that sometimes only He knows.When I first heard Josette Howard's story, I knew she was one of those people. I felt an instant connection to her and I couldn't shake the feeling that we were meant to cross paths. 

I had known Josette for about a year before she told me that 19 years ago, her baby sister, Andrea Gail Parsons, who was 10 at the time, had gone "missing". She told me that even though it had been 19 years, her and her mom have never stopped looking for Andrea. They've never given up hope. 

Josette's story unleashed an array of emotions in me, some of which I wasn't expecting to feel. I still can't exactly describe them all to you but I'll try.

I feel sad, of course. I want to comfort her family. I want to hug them and do things for them, like bake cupcakes and dumb trivial things that probably wouldn't help them but would make me feel better for some reason.

Strangely, I feel like I've shared something with Andrea. Like, we shared the same fears.

I wonder what would've happened if I never escaped my abductor. Would my family have continued to look for me after 19 years? Would the police have given up on finding me or would they keep investigating, like they did for Andrea?

A part of me feels happy and comforted by the fact that no one gave up on Andrea. No one forgot her even after all these years. I imagine it must have been tempting at times to just close the book and accept that she was gone and move on with your life but no one did that.

Her body has never been recovered and they never arrested anyone for the crime...until this weekend. Someone has finally been arrested for the kidnapping and murder of Andrea Gail Parsons.  Here's an article that was written on Friday, November 30, 2012.

 ♥

"Major questions about the 1993 disappearance of 10-year-old Andrea Parsons remained unanswered Friday after a judge denied bond for the felon charged with kidnapping and killing the girl — questions including how detectives cracked the nearly 20-year-old case and where Andrea’s body could be.

During the 3-minute bond hearing, Martin County sheriff’s Detective Yesenia Carde, the lead detective in the case, said Chester Duane Price, arrested on Thursday for Parson’s murder and kidnapping, partnered with Claude Davis, long the prime suspect in the case, to abduct the girl outside the Port Salerno store where she had purchased potato chips and candy on July 11, 1993. Parsons bit Price on the hand as he forced her into a van, Carde said. The next morning, the men disposed of her body, the detective said.

Carde offered no clues as to how detectives were able to link Price to the crime, and prosecutors were equally cautious. Chief Assistant State Attorney Thomas Bakkedahl, said the Martin County grand jury that indicted Price met five times in the last two months and reviewed over 22,000 pages of investigators’ reports and hours of videos. Most homicide cases take about a half-day to present to the grand jury, Bakkedahl said. “There was an extreme amount of information,” he said.

Bakkedahl confirmed that Price was not given immunity before he appeared before the grand jury, a request that many suspects make before testifying. Also on the grand jury witness list: Davis, 77, who was arrested in 1994 on a false imprisonment charge but never tried. Davis, who now lives in a mobile home park in Stuart, has never been charged with murder in the case, but his initial arrest raises questions now as to whether his constitutional protection against double-jeopardy would prevent prosecutors from charging him now.

Parson’s mother also testified, along with at least six detectives — some now retired — and William Snyder, Martin County’s Sheriff-elect. The grand jury also heard testimony from Price’s step-father, Billy Brewer. In May 2003 Brewer unsuccessfully tried to get a restraining order against Price, saying his step-son rarely worked and when he did, he spent the money on crack cocaine. Why prosecutors asked Brewer to testify before the grand jury remains a mystery for now.

Price, most recently living in Haleyville, Ala., has an extensive criminal history with arrests dating to 1991, the sheriff’s office said. He voluntarily returned to the area to give testimony to the grand jury, sheriff’s spokeswoman Rhonda Irons said. At a news conference Thursday, retiring Martin County Sheriff Robert Crowder — also sheriff at the time of Parsons’ disappearance — said that a team of detectives was assigned last year to conduct a further review of evidence collected in the case.
“The resolve to find Andrea and get answers surrounding the circumstances of her disappearance has never wavered,” he said. More arrests are possible, Crowder said.

The investigation originally focused on Davis, a neighbor of Andrea’s, after he told investigators several stories of what happened. He initially told investigators that he saw several men stuff Andrea into a van the night she disappeared. Later, in secretly tape-recorded conversations, he told a close friend he had visions of Andrea being killed and dumped in the woods. Finally, Davis went to sheriff’s detectives and told them he remembered the truth – that Andrea died accidentally while collecting aluminum cans with him and that he left her body in a trash bin.

In 2000, Davis received a nine-year prison sentence in an unrelated case, but he was released from prison in 2003 and returned to Martin County. On Thursday, Crowder said Price and Davis knew each other, but declined to give more details. However, court records show Price was arrested in October 2009 and charged with assaulting Davis. The charge was later dropped.

Andrea’s disappearance on July 11, 1993 gained national attention. The case was featured on television shows such as America’s Most Wanted, and a Nancy Grace special episode “Nancy Grace: America’s Missing” that aired in February 2011.

Andrea was reported missing after she left her house in a mobile home community on Southeast Ebbtide Avenue shortly before 6 p.m. Her mother, Linda, was at work and Linda’s boyfriend at the time, Pat Daniels, was home with Andrea. Daniels told investigators that he was watching a program on The Discovery Channel and Andrea was bored. Andrea was given permission to go visit a friend and walk to the store.

Neighbors described how Andrea waved as she strolled along Commerce Avenue, then cut across the parking lot to Port Salerno Grocery. She bought two bags of potato chips and some candy. Daniels told investigators that he began to worry about Andrea as it grew darker outside. The family had no telephone and Daniels had no access to a car, so he scoured the neighborhood on foot.

Linda Parsons left work at Winn-Dixie at about 10 that evening and was stunned to discover he daughter missing. She drove through the neighborhood, stopping at the houses of Andrea’s friends. At 11 p.m., she called police.

As the 10-year-anniversary of Andrea’s disappearance approached, Linda said that she was still hopeful that her daughter would be found alive.

“I still think she’s alive out there somewhere. I have to believe that,” Linda said in a July 2003 interview with The Palm Beach Post.

Bakkedahl said on Friday he has no doubt that Andrea is dead but the fact that her remains have not been found should not pose any legal challenges. “I don’t need a body,” said Bakkedahl, who has worked on Andrea’s case for 18 years. “Trying a case without a body is mythically difficult but factually it’s not difficult.”

Neither Linda Russell Parsons nor her 31-year-old daughter Josette Howard or their extended family could be reached for comment. Linda Parsons posted stories about Price’s arrest on her Facebook page, which indicated mixed emotions about it.

“After 19 years, an arrest has finally happened in the abduction of my daughter. Everyone, please pray that this man tells us where Andrea is,” she wrote.

Bob Lowery, a senior executive at the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children, said he hopes Parsons’ prayers are answered. But with the passage of so many years he said it wouldn’t be unusual if Andrea’s body is never recovered.

The center has worked on the case off and on for years. It prepared a photo to show what Andrea would look like as an adult. Both Russell, who lives in Niceville in Florida’s Panhandle, and Howard, who lives in the Orlando area, feature the photo of Andrea as a 10-year-old and as an adult on their Facebook pages.

In 2006, the center sent a team of retired police to Martin County to work with law enforcement officers, hoping to solve the case. Recently, it began collecting Andrea’s fingerprints, dental records and DNA so an identification could be made if her remains are found. The agency is collecting similar information about all of the children it is tracking, he said.

Center officials had heard rumors that an arrest was imminent, but nothing official, he said. “We’re very delighted to hear the news that there has been an arrest,” Lowery said.

While he said he can imagine Parsons’ desire to recover her daughter’s body, he said she can take solace that Andrea was never forgotten. “It’s got to be terrible that they can’t put the child to rest,” he said. “But I think she should be a bit grateful to know that even after 19 years you have a law enforcement agency that stayed engaged.”

And, he said, Davis’ arrest doesn’t change Andrea’s status for the center. Until her body is recovered, her photos will remain on the center’s web site.

“The search for the child continues even though law enforcement has made an arrest,” Lowery said. “She will always be a missing child until her remains are found.”

Staff researcher Michelle Quigley, staff writer Jane Musgrave and TCPalm.com contributed to this story.

"Andrea's story just went global...It's your time Lil sis...we will find you...might not be the way we want...but soon baby." 

- Josette Howard

Here's my small attempt to help Andrea's story "go global".

 

♥ Diana
 (aka Jurney Eve) 

The Takeover Youth Conference 2012

Well, I have been quite the slacker lately with my blog, huh? Sorry about that.

Let's see...what do I have to tell you?

In June, I had an excellent opportunity to share my story and my message at The Takeover Youth Conference in Wauchula, Florida. It felt really amazing to be a part of something so inspirational. I was a little nervous about scaring the kids with my story but I think I did a good job of toning it down...a little...and focusing in on how God has worked in my life. There were quite a few teens who gave their heart to the Lord that day. I also met a lot of really cool people and I hope I get to work with them again.

Like Trumfant Muzik 

Jericho

 Inasense

 

I had such a great time at The Takeover Youth Conference. Thank you for making me feel so welcomed. It was truly my pleasure.

♥ Jurney Eve

Happy Mother's Day

In honor of Mother's Day, I wanted to share a story with you. It's one of those stories that is so rewarding that it makes you want to cry...at least it made me cry.

But then again, I cried while watching Justin Bieber's Never Say Never movie so who knows. 

It isn't anything too amazing. It's just one of those stories that makes you feel like all the things you teach your children really does make a difference. A story that makes you realize that they are listening to you after all.

Anyway...As most of you know, I have three children. For their entire existence I have taken them to church, taught them Bible stories, prayed with them, and tried my best to lead them to the Lord. Some are more receptive than others and others...well, they prefer video games. As a mother, I constantly worry whether or not my kids are really hearing me; do they pay attention in Sunday School; why don't they want to read the Bible the way they want to read the latest book series; am I being the best role model I can be for them? I'm sure most mother's can relate. Well, something happened earlier this week that made me see that even my video game lover is in fact listening to me.

My husband and I decided to do something crazy and go out to dinner...just the two of us. We left our 16 year old in charge with all of the instructions of what to do and what not to do and who to call and who not to call. It wasn't her first time babysitting. She's done it before and we were confident that everyone was in good hands with her. It got to be around dinner time so she was preparing a delicious meal of frozen Salisbury steaks and mashed potatoes when she accidentally spilled hot gravy on her arm. In the heat of the moment she calls me. Now, I don't know if you've ever received one of these phone calls but let me tell you, they're not for the faint of heart.

I'm sitting at dinner when my phone rings. I see that it's my 16 year old daughter but I don't panic. She calls me all the time when she's babysitting, but this time when I answer the phone I hear incoherent, high pitched weeping. I can't understand what she's saying because the restaurant is loud and she's upsets. Worse case scenarios start playing in my head and for one brief second I think about abandoning my husband at the table without a word and racing for home as fast as I can. Instead, I regain my composure and start calming my daughter down and giving her instructions. After a few minutes, everyone calms down. She's got ice on her arm and all is good again in the world. My husband and I come home shortly afterwards to see our 16 year old on the couch, still icing her arm.

Now here's the good part of the story. My 16 year old told me that after she got off the phone with me and all the chaos had died down, my video game loving 11 year old son took my 7 year old daughter by the hand, walked over to my injured daughter and said, "Do you want us to pray for you?"

I KNOW!!! 

I'm getting teary-eyed just thinking about it! What a great feeling it was to hear that. It made me see that just because he seems to only care about video games right now there is still hope. Someone should invent some exciting Biblical video games.

"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." 

Proverbs 22:6

♥ Diana
(aka Jurney Eve)

April 28, 2012

April 28, 2012...The 21st anniversary of the day I was kidnapped, sexually assaulted and almost murdered by a stranger while riding my bicycle.

Every April for me has been a time of reflection. Usually I end up spending April 28th by myself. It's kind of become a tradition for me. I know that must sound sad but it's not...well not anymore. During the early years after my assault, I would sit around and feel sorry for myself. Sorry for everything I had lost that day. Sorry for the person I once was. Sorry for the person I would never be. Just sorry. Sorry and sad.

But in the last few years, when April rolls around, I've had new feelings. I no longer feel sorry for the person I once was. Instead I embrace the woman I've become. I'm grateful for what I have and I appreciate life so much more now.

I've told you before that every April I think about something I could do to help myself heal a little more. Usually I say, 'This year I'll ride a bicycle.' In fact, I've said that every April up until 2011. The thought of getting back on a bicycle would create such anxiety for me that I couldn't work up the courage to follow through with it. I didn't know what emotions it would trigger inside of me. But this year I didn't have to say, 'This year I'll ride a bicycle,' because that's a milestone I have already passed. Last December I bought myself a bicycle and I rode it.

 So what did I say I would do this year? This is actually the first year that I didn't make any resolutions, which I think is a milestone in itself. Nope, I didn't make any because it wasn't necessary. Every year I made those resolutions because there was a part of me that I felt was missing but not this year.

This April 28th was very different from the last 20 April 28ths. I didn't make any resolutions and I didn't spend it alone.

This April 28 was the Victim Service Center of Central Florida's 1st annual Ride to Reach event, which was inspired by my story.

I spent April 28, 2012 with 200 or so people bringing awareness to sexual violence. I spent it on a stage where I spoke to the crowd. I spent it with some of my family and friends. I spent it decorating a t-shirt for The Clothesline Project. I spent it riding my bicycle for 17 miles...in the bike lane! And, what I consider the biggest milestone of all, I spent it with Renee and Tara, the ex-wife and the daughter of the man who kidnapped me!

That may sound strange to you and if it does I only have one thing to say...BUY MY BOOK! IT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING!

Meeting Renee and Tara was amazing! We had been communicating with each other for a little more than a year but we had never officially met. I was only a little nervous about meeting them. Mostly I was just excited. I knew from our past communications that I would feel completely at ease with them. I won't lie. There were tears, but they were tears of joy. As Tara puts it, "It was a big cry fest!"

So how do I top this years' April 28th? It was such a phenomenal day for me. I'm still having a hard time thinking that it was real - Just kidding! Of course I know it was real. That would make me crazy! - What I'm trying to say is...I cannot believe all of the milestones I've overcome this April 28th.

I am so grateful to everyone who made this day possible. All of the people who came out to support me. All of the businesses who sponsored the event and who set up booths. Everyone who bought my book, Intended Harm. Renee and Tara for flying down all the way from upstate New York. Avalon Park Group for providing us with the best location I could have asked for and the Victim Service Center of Central Florida, for which I couldn't have done this without them.

But in truth, none of this would have been possible without God's help. Was it my idea to move to Florida or was it God's? Was it my idea to connect with the Victim Service Center or was it God's? Was it my idea to create a bike-a-thon based around my story or was it God's? Was it Renee and Tara's idea to fly to Florida to be a part of Ride to Reach or was it God's?

I believe it was all God's. God has His hands in all of this. I can't wait to see where He takes me next.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the lord, "plans to prosper you and 

not to harm you, plans to give you hope and future." - Jeremiah 29:11-14

♥ Jurney 

Kayleigh Preston May 6, 1993 - Jan 31, 2012

Kayleigh:

I told Robin not to bring him near me.
He did.
I told Robin not to leave me alone with him.
He did.
I tried to defend myself from his usual habits.
He didn’t do what he usually does.
Oh no. He did something MUCH worse.
And now
My life is actually over. I can’t keep going on like this okay
Once was enough to break me. That one time has given me a chance to overcome myself.
But twice? I know I think badly of myself, but nobody deserves to go through that even once, let alone twice.
And by two different people as well. He was right. I’m nothing but a cheap, worthless whore and I do deserve to die. So why not put everyone out of their misery?

 Anonymous:

Hellloooo. Just saw your last post and thought I'd pop in to say that, although I don't know you, I'm sure you're not cheap, worthless or a whore. Also, you don't deserve to die, and your death would likely create a lot of misery rather than relieve it. Come on, Kayleigh. :)


Kayleigh:
So this made me smile a little
Even though you are completely wrong
Still, thank you

Anonymous:
Hmmm, well, I'm not sure how to convince you that I'm right. How can I convince you that you are none of the bad things you said you are?

Kayleigh:
You can’t. Unless you can reverse being raped twice. So yeah, you can’t.

Anonymous:

I'm very sorry that that happened to you, but I don't understand how it makes you cheap, worthless or a whore. I also don't understand why you would think that it means that you deserve to die. Do you think the same of other rape victims?

Kayleigh:

Of course not! But those were his words and they describe how I feel right now better than anything else.

Anonymous:

I know that it is very easy to believe it when people say horrible things. But perhaps... you should also believe it when people say good things about you. Of course you feel bad right now, but that doesn't mean that you are bad. If the person who said those things to you is the same person that raped you, surely he isn't a credible source. In fact, I'd say that he is the one who is cheap, and worthless. Please consider what I've said? :)

Kayleigh:

I just feel so… Vulnerable right now. Like, is that what everyone sees me as? Just some girl who allows people to rape her? The first time, I can understand how it wasn’t my fault. But the fact it happened twice now makes me wonder if I am as bad as he said.

Anonymous:

Kay? Are you still there? Please be there.

Kayleigh:

I’m still here. Barely. Thank you for your concern though :)

Anonymous:

Thank God. You're right, you know. You don't deserve what happened to you. Not even the first time. You have handled things so well so far. You looked death in the face and gave it a big fat 'f*** you'. You have so many people on your side, who all want you happy. A Kayleigh standom, almost! Prove us right, and yourself wrong. Show that jerk that nobody messes with Kayleigh Preston and gets away with it!

Kayleigh:

Omfg a Kayleigh standom though
You seem to have more faith in me than I deserve. Thank you :3

Kayleigh Anne-Marie Preston committed suicide the next day.

May 6, 1993 - Jan 31, 2012

You can shed tears that she is gone,
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her only that she is gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

---David Harkins

  

RAINN's Online Helpline

 ♥ Jurney Eve

Would I Be Different?

 

 

Would I be different if you listened?

Try to be born again and be a Christian?

Would I be different if you understood the word "No"?

Or did you take joy in making me feel low?

Would I be different if I actually had the chance to grow?

Or did you assume I was fine and just didn't know?
 

 

Did you hear me when I screamed?

Hushing me up and telling me it was all a dream?

Would I be different if I spoke up?

Then you would get mad if everyone woke up.

Would I be different if my words didn't choke up?

Looking in your eyes and I felt my heart get broken up.

 

 

Would I smile the same way?

Would I praise God every Sunday?

Would I be different in the aspect of valuing life,

Or would I continue to attempt suicide more then twice?

Would I be different if I was a boy,

Or was my innocence meant to be destroyed?

 

 

Poem by:

 Phelicia Amigo-Three Durand

 

 

 

My Friend's Response to Jonah Mowry

For those of you who don't know who Jonah Mowry is, he's a teenager who has recently posted a video on YouTube about being bullied. He didn't say a single word in the video. He told his story through a series of notes. It is a very moving video. It touched so many people and inspired them to respond to Jonah.

I want to share one of those response videos with you. It was made by a friend of mine who can relate to Jonah all too well. 

I'm so proud of you Jay for coming forward and allowing us to see the vulnerable side of you. You are truly an inspiration to us all. ♥

♥ Diana
(aka Jurney Eve)

Breaking Free

Today I did something I have been planning on doing for the last twenty years.

I bought a bicycle and I rode it.

If you are not familiar with my story you may be thinking, "Big deal! What's so special about that?" Well, I'll tell you.

Twenty years ago, I was riding my bicycle when a man ran me over with his pickup truck...on purpose. Yes, on purpose! After running me over he did a slew of other things to me which landed him in prison and me in a sort of prison of my own. In my prison, I felt as if everyone around me was trying to hurt me so I had to constantly be on my guard. I couldn't go to certain places or I couldn't do certain things because they would make me vulnerable. I lived in fear of everyone around me. I looked at each and every person as a possible crazy person who just wanted to hurt me. I stopped doing a lot of things because of this fear of "what could happen to me". One of which was riding a bicycle. 

For a long time, I felt I couldn't get back on a bicycle because it would remind me of that day and of what that man did to me. But lately, I've been dealing with my memories instead of suppressing them and because of that I thought it was time for me to deal with  this fear as well. 

I could get back on a bicycle. 

But when I let myself really think about it and imagine myself riding on the side of the road with my back to traffic, I had a mini panic attack.  It felt like my blood was racing through my veins. I could feel my heart pounding inside of my chest. As much as I wanted to tackle this next obstacle, I wasn't sure if I actually could. 

But who says you have to ride on the side of the road with your back to traffic? Well, I guess technically the law says that but have you ever seen anyone actually enforce it?.......Me neither. So I've decided I would buy a bicycle and I would ride it on the sidewalk. 

I'm such a rebel! 

And that's exactly what I did today and I'm going to do it again tomorrow.

What did you do today?

♥ Jurney Eve

It's OK To Tell by Lauren Book

I just read a book called It's Ok To Tell by Lauren Book and I simply MUST recommend it to you.

Lauren was a victim of childhood sexual abuse for six years at the hands of her nanny starting at the age of 11. She kept her abuse a secret for all of those years because her abuser knew exactly how to keep Lauren silent through manipulation and fear. In her book, Lauren gives you a unique insight into what she was feeling during the abuse and why she felt she couldn't tell anyone what was happening to her.

What I find so amazing about it is how she answers the question that so many victims of childhood sexual abuse face...and that is...Why didn't you tell someone about your abuse?

I am also in awe of Lauren's courage. Not only did she have the strength to tell her story but she had the strength to face people and their accusations.

When I reported my rape, no one questioned whether or not I was raped.
No one asked me why I went for a bike ride all by myself.
No one asked me why I was wearing what I was wearing.
No one asked me if I enjoyed it.

Lauren had to endure questions that no rape victim should ever have to answer.

She inspires me. Not only does she have the courage to tell but she is truly making a difference. Armed with the knowledge that 95 percent of sexual abuse is preventable through education, Lauren has worked to turn her horrific personal experience into a vehicle to prevent childhood sexual abuse and heal survivors by starting Lauren's Kids.

Lauren's Kids encourages victims to "shine a light in dark places" and "shed the shame." Lauren's Kids is based in South Florida and educates adults and children about sexual abuse topics through in-school curriculum, a 24-hour Crisis Hotline and speaking engagements around the country. She also has taken proactive efforts to make Florida a safer place through advocacy for the passage of State Laws that protect and help victims heal and become survivors.

Lauren's Kids holds an annual, statewide "Walk in My Shoes" event, which brings together survivors and advocates on a walk across Florida to raise awareness and promote supportive legislation. This year I am going to show my appreciation for Lauren by participating in the third annual Walk in My Shoes event on February 4th.

Won't you consider joining me?



♥ Jurney Eve

Don't Let Your Insecurities Alter You

Today I had my first speaking engagement since moving to Florida. It was for the Florida Crime Prevention Training Institute where I would be addressing victim's advocates from all walks of life. I only had about five hours to prepare for it and I was so nervous. All of my usual insecurities came rushing to the surface.

What if I freeze up there? 

What if I forget my place?

What if they don't like what I have to say?

What if I stutter?

What if I start to cry?

What if I trip on my own feet on my way to the podium and knock it over? And then what if the podium knocks over the first row of seats and then the next row and then the next row, creating a domino effect that causes serious bodily injuries............ 

It could happen!

Needless to say, I was a little nervous.

Before I got out of my car to go into the conference, I said a little prayer, like I always do, asking God to calm my nerves and to give me wisdom. I have a little saying I like to say. It's "Not my will but Your's Lord." I say that because I like to remind myself why I started talking about my assault in the first place. I don't do to bring glory to myself. I do what I do because I feel that the Lord is calling me to do it. To help people.

And that was when a little epiphany popped into my head. Why am so nervous?!? I am about to speak to a room full of people who, just like me, do what they do because they want to help people. It wouldn't matter if I stuttered; or if I lost my place; or if I cried; although it might matter if I tripped and inadvertently caused serious bodily injury, but my point is...they wouldn't care about all of those tiny little things that I was feeling so insecure about. And then, the most amazing thing happened. God spoke to me. Well, kind of. In reality a song came on the radio but I have a feeling that it was meant just for me at just that particular moment in time. Lol!

It was Walk On The Water by Britt Nicole and I know it was just for me because the radio like never plays Britt Nicole. So that's the story I'm running with.

Anyways, The song is about our doubts and insecurities and how we can't let them stop us from stepping out and doing what we know we were meant to do...helping others and making a difference in this world. So I wanted to share it with you. Maybe it will inspire you like it inspires me.

"So step out

Even when a storm hits.

Step out

Even when you're broken.

Step out

Even when your heart is telling you, telling you to give up.

Step out

When your hope is stolen.

When you can't see where you're going.

You don't have to be afraid.

So what are you waiting for?

What do you have to lose? 

Your insecurities they try to alter you.

You know you're made for more

So don't be afraid to move.

Your faith is all it takes and you can walk on the water too."

-Britt Nicole

♥ Jurney Eve

True Colors

Today I feel like I have a huge hole in my heart.

Somebody I love with my absolute whole heart is in pain and I feel powerless to help her.

How can someone who is amazingly gifted, beautiful, smart, inspiring, loving...How can they not see themselves the way everyone else does?

Here I go, being all hypocritical, when in fact, it wasn't that long ago that I struggled with my own self-esteem. I think everybody struggles with that from time to time. When it was me, I remember just how awful I felt about myself. I also remember all of the things I did to try and boost my self-esteem. I guess that's why I am so sad right now. I don't want her to do what I did. I don't want her to inadvertently hurt herself on her quest for perfection.

Everything within me wants to wrap her in my arms and tell her how much I love her and just how important she is to me...and to so many other people. I want to tell her, fail or succeed it doesn't matter. She can make a million mistakes...it doesn't matter. She is perfectly imperfect...just like everyone else.

People beat themselves up on a daily basis trying to be perfect...trying to look perfect...trying to act perfect. But how boring would this world be if everyone was the same? We would have no music...no lyrics...no artists...no actors...no athletes...no books...(*gasp*)

Think about your favorite musician. Now think about what would have become of them if they allowed their uniqueness to be stifled in the hopes of being and looking and acting like everyone else. 

Embrace your uniqueness. Embrace your beautiful self. Because you ARE beautiful!

All of those things that make you different are the things that people treasure most about you.

"For You created my inmost being: 

You knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made."

Psalm 139:13-14

♥ Jurney Eve