Forgiveness-The Prisoner That it Really Frees is You

Forgiving someone who's done you wrong is one of the hardest things to do. I know because I've done it. 

For those of you who aren't familiar with my story, I was kidnapped by a stranger when I was 17 years old. It took me a very, very long time to forgive that man, but with God's help I finally did. 

Just to give you some perspective on how long it took me to truly forgive; I was kidnapped in 1991 and I didn't forgive him, I mean truly forgive him until 2007. It took me 16 years to forgive the man who kidnapped me, sexually assaulted me and tried to murder me. 

I must have said "I forgive him" about a dozen times before 2007 but the hurt was always there proving to me that I hadn't, even though I wanted to. I tried. Over and over again I would pray and ask God to help me forgive that man but over and over again I found myself bound up with all the pain of my assault that I hadn't dealt with yet. It wasn't until I started releasing that pain that I started experiencing forgiveness.

"Total forgiveness is a choice. It is not a feeling-at least not at first-but rather an act of the will."

I had made a choice to forgive and that's the first step. You've got to want to forgive the person who's wronged you. And maybe, like me, you'll have to forgive over and over again until you "feel" like you've forgiven. Maybe you're holding onto something that's keeping you from truly forgiving, like I was. I was holding onto my memories of my assault. I was keeping them locked up tight inside of me. But I've learned that you've got to let "it" out so you can let God in.

Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting. It doesn't condone that person's actions against you and it's never as easy as you think it's gonna be.

Today, I'm going to take my forgiveness one step further by praying for the man who kidnapped me. This is actually something I've been doing for some time now but today I feel led to really focus on him. Maybe this sounds strange to you but I know that only through God will this man be healed. Only by experiencing Christ's love will he be free of the demons that have ruled his heart for so long. So, if you feel compelled to pray with me, I ask that you say this prayer with me now.

"Dear Jesus. I lift up my perpetrator to you. I ask that you touch his heart; surround him with your presence and love. I ask that You extend Your grace and mercy to him. Let him know that I forgive him. For every wrong he's committed against me, I forgive him. I pray that one day soon he'll come to know and love You the way I do. I give thanks in advance for everything You're doing in my life and in his life and in everyone's life that has been touched by this sin. In Jesus' name I pray...Amen"

Forgiveness

It's the hardest thing to give away
And the last thing on your mind today
It always goes to those that don't deserve

It's the opposite of how you feel
When the pain they caused is just too real
It takes everything you have just to say the word...

Forgiveness

It flies in the face of all your pride
It moves away the mad inside
It's always anger's own worst enemy
Even when the jury and the judge
Say you gotta right to hold a grudge
It's the whisper in your ear saying 'Set It Free'

Forgiveness
 

Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible

Forgiveness
 

It'll clear the bitterness away
It can even set a prisoner free
There is no end to what it's power can do
So, let it go and be amazed
By what you see through eyes of grace
The prisoner that it really frees is you

Forgiveness
 

I want to finally set it free
So show me how to see what Your mercy sees
Help me now to give what You gave to me
 

Forgiveness

BY MATTHEW WEST

Thank you.

♥ Diana

(aka Jurney Eve)

The View From My Pew

Sorry I've been so quiet lately. Things have been a little chaotic here. 

It has been one and a half months since I moved to Florida and it has taken a lot of adjusting...for all of us. One of those adjustments has been finding a new church. 

Finding a new church isn't as easy as going to the church down the street or even finding the closest church that is the same denomination as your old church. When I search for a new church I don't limit my search to a certain denomination. True, I always start with a certain denomination but to choose a church for my family depends on way more than that. 

First, they have to offer a service that is later than 9:30 am. That might sound like a stupid criteria to most but let's face it. I have three children that I have to motivate, feed and help get ready in the morning. Not to mention, I have to get myself ready and for those that don't know me...I am NOT a morning person. So the later the service starts, the better.

Then, they must have a service for my two younger children during the Sunday service. If my kids have to sit with me then I never get to listen to the message and be ministered to. Plus, I think that they learn more when the service is specifically geared towards them. You know, age appropriate?

A mid-week youth group for my kids is a must have as well. Especially one for my oldest child. I think it is extremely important for my high-schooler to meet other Christian kids her age. She's surrounded by a very high percentage of non-Christian teenagers throughout the school year. It's crucial that she has friends that have the same values as her. I know all too well how easy it is to be influenced by the people around you and your surroundings. If I can make my children's lives a little easier for them to make right choices by getting them involved in church youth groups, then I'm going to do it. 

Another criteria in the search for a church is they must have a contemporary praise and worship style. 

Hymns aren't for me. 

Praise and worship is very important to me because I love music. Contemporary Christian music moves me. It inspires me. Plus...it keeps me awake after those busy mornings when I didn't get enough caffeine before the service.

But the most important criteria for finding a new church is...it needs to feel right. When I attend a service at the church I eventually choose, I just know it. You know?

When I moved to CT, I searched for months before I found the right one. During those months I went to many different churches, but none of them felt right. None of them gave me that warm, fuzzy feeling inside. When I finally found my new church in CT, I knew it was the one. 

It's hard to explain.

Which brings me back to my search for a new church in Florida. Since we've been here, we've attended a few different churches. The first one met all of our criteria but one. 

It just didn't feel right. 

It was by far, the largest church we have ever been to. The size was pretty intimidating at first. I thought that maybe it didn't feel right to me because I was uncomfortable with the size. But after giving it an adequate amount of time, I decided that this wasn't the one for us. It seems like a great church. It has so much to offer. There were so many people that you could tell genuinely loved the Lord. The church has a very large youth group. I really wanted to like this one but it just didn't feel right.

There were a few other churches after that, and while they all were wonderful, none of them felt right. Until today...I believe I have found our new church. It meets all of our criteria. 

The service starts at 10:45. (Yay for sleeping in.)

It has a children's service...and my kids loved it.

It has a youth group for my oldest child...although we haven't checked it out yet. Hopefully she'll like it.  

(fingers crossed)

The music program is very contemporary. Probably the most contemporary praise and worship I have ever heard at church. They opened with a Barlow Girl song. Never Alone. It was awesome!

I also discovered that this church has small groups that meet throughout the week. That's not unusual though. Most churches have small groups that meet throughout the week.The groups are based on common interests, such as...a women's Bible study group...a mens' group...a group for 20 somethings...a group for singles...a group for married couples...things like that. I don't usually join any of the small groups because no one ever seems to have a group that fits my life. I could join the women's Bible study group but at my last church it met on Saturdays at, like, 8am or something and we've already established that I'm not a morning person. I could join the married couples group but I'm pretty sure I would need to bring my husband with me and he can't commit to a weekly group. He works way too much...plus, I haven't been able to get him to go to a Sunday service with me since we lived in Vermont and his mommy made him go. So that group is out of the question. 

No one ever has a group for 30- something working mothers who's husbands don't support their desire to go to church more than once a week...and so I've never joined one.

Well, this church doesn't have a group like that either but it has all of those other groups and then some. This church has a group for women who are searching for recovery and healing after sexual abuse. Now I'm sure this isn't the only church in the world that has a group focused on helping people recover from sexual abuse, but it's the first one I've ever seen...and I've researched a lot of different churches in many different states. 

I move a lot.

So, not only does this church feel right, it offers a ministry that is geared specifically toward the very thing that I have dedicated the last four years of my life to...helping people recover after sexual abuse. I will definitely check this group out. Me finding this church seems to have God's hand written all over it. 

I trust God to lead me in the right direction. I won't pretend to have all the answers. I know that I don't. I am still learning, healing and growing myself. I still don't know exactly what God's plan for my life is but I know I'm moving in the right direction. How do I know that? It just feels right.

♥ Jurney Eve