Forgiveness-The Prisoner That it Really Frees is You

Forgiving someone who's done you wrong is one of the hardest things to do. I know because I've done it. 

For those of you who aren't familiar with my story, I was kidnapped by a stranger when I was 17 years old. It took me a very, very long time to forgive that man, but with God's help I finally did. 

Just to give you some perspective on how long it took me to truly forgive; I was kidnapped in 1991 and I didn't forgive him, I mean truly forgive him until 2007. It took me 16 years to forgive the man who kidnapped me, sexually assaulted me and tried to murder me. 

I must have said "I forgive him" about a dozen times before 2007 but the hurt was always there proving to me that I hadn't, even though I wanted to. I tried. Over and over again I would pray and ask God to help me forgive that man but over and over again I found myself bound up with all the pain of my assault that I hadn't dealt with yet. It wasn't until I started releasing that pain that I started experiencing forgiveness.

"Total forgiveness is a choice. It is not a feeling-at least not at first-but rather an act of the will."

I had made a choice to forgive and that's the first step. You've got to want to forgive the person who's wronged you. And maybe, like me, you'll have to forgive over and over again until you "feel" like you've forgiven. Maybe you're holding onto something that's keeping you from truly forgiving, like I was. I was holding onto my memories of my assault. I was keeping them locked up tight inside of me. But I've learned that you've got to let "it" out so you can let God in.

Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting. It doesn't condone that person's actions against you and it's never as easy as you think it's gonna be.

Today, I'm going to take my forgiveness one step further by praying for the man who kidnapped me. This is actually something I've been doing for some time now but today I feel led to really focus on him. Maybe this sounds strange to you but I know that only through God will this man be healed. Only by experiencing Christ's love will he be free of the demons that have ruled his heart for so long. So, if you feel compelled to pray with me, I ask that you say this prayer with me now.

"Dear Jesus. I lift up my perpetrator to you. I ask that you touch his heart; surround him with your presence and love. I ask that You extend Your grace and mercy to him. Let him know that I forgive him. For every wrong he's committed against me, I forgive him. I pray that one day soon he'll come to know and love You the way I do. I give thanks in advance for everything You're doing in my life and in his life and in everyone's life that has been touched by this sin. In Jesus' name I pray...Amen"

Forgiveness

It's the hardest thing to give away
And the last thing on your mind today
It always goes to those that don't deserve

It's the opposite of how you feel
When the pain they caused is just too real
It takes everything you have just to say the word...

Forgiveness

It flies in the face of all your pride
It moves away the mad inside
It's always anger's own worst enemy
Even when the jury and the judge
Say you gotta right to hold a grudge
It's the whisper in your ear saying 'Set It Free'

Forgiveness
 

Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible

Forgiveness
 

It'll clear the bitterness away
It can even set a prisoner free
There is no end to what it's power can do
So, let it go and be amazed
By what you see through eyes of grace
The prisoner that it really frees is you

Forgiveness
 

I want to finally set it free
So show me how to see what Your mercy sees
Help me now to give what You gave to me
 

Forgiveness

BY MATTHEW WEST

Thank you.

♥ Diana

(aka Jurney Eve)

Never Forgotten - Andrea Gail Parsons

I've always been a firm believer that the Lord works in mysterious ways. He brings people into our lives for reasons that sometimes only He knows.When I first heard Josette Howard's story, I knew she was one of those people. I felt an instant connection to her and I couldn't shake the feeling that we were meant to cross paths. 

I had known Josette for about a year before she told me that 19 years ago, her baby sister, Andrea Gail Parsons, who was 10 at the time, had gone "missing". She told me that even though it had been 19 years, her and her mom have never stopped looking for Andrea. They've never given up hope. 

Josette's story unleashed an array of emotions in me, some of which I wasn't expecting to feel. I still can't exactly describe them all to you but I'll try.

I feel sad, of course. I want to comfort her family. I want to hug them and do things for them, like bake cupcakes and dumb trivial things that probably wouldn't help them but would make me feel better for some reason.

Strangely, I feel like I've shared something with Andrea. Like, we shared the same fears.

I wonder what would've happened if I never escaped my abductor. Would my family have continued to look for me after 19 years? Would the police have given up on finding me or would they keep investigating, like they did for Andrea?

A part of me feels happy and comforted by the fact that no one gave up on Andrea. No one forgot her even after all these years. I imagine it must have been tempting at times to just close the book and accept that she was gone and move on with your life but no one did that.

Her body has never been recovered and they never arrested anyone for the crime...until this weekend. Someone has finally been arrested for the kidnapping and murder of Andrea Gail Parsons.  Here's an article that was written on Friday, November 30, 2012.

 ♥

"Major questions about the 1993 disappearance of 10-year-old Andrea Parsons remained unanswered Friday after a judge denied bond for the felon charged with kidnapping and killing the girl — questions including how detectives cracked the nearly 20-year-old case and where Andrea’s body could be.

During the 3-minute bond hearing, Martin County sheriff’s Detective Yesenia Carde, the lead detective in the case, said Chester Duane Price, arrested on Thursday for Parson’s murder and kidnapping, partnered with Claude Davis, long the prime suspect in the case, to abduct the girl outside the Port Salerno store where she had purchased potato chips and candy on July 11, 1993. Parsons bit Price on the hand as he forced her into a van, Carde said. The next morning, the men disposed of her body, the detective said.

Carde offered no clues as to how detectives were able to link Price to the crime, and prosecutors were equally cautious. Chief Assistant State Attorney Thomas Bakkedahl, said the Martin County grand jury that indicted Price met five times in the last two months and reviewed over 22,000 pages of investigators’ reports and hours of videos. Most homicide cases take about a half-day to present to the grand jury, Bakkedahl said. “There was an extreme amount of information,” he said.

Bakkedahl confirmed that Price was not given immunity before he appeared before the grand jury, a request that many suspects make before testifying. Also on the grand jury witness list: Davis, 77, who was arrested in 1994 on a false imprisonment charge but never tried. Davis, who now lives in a mobile home park in Stuart, has never been charged with murder in the case, but his initial arrest raises questions now as to whether his constitutional protection against double-jeopardy would prevent prosecutors from charging him now.

Parson’s mother also testified, along with at least six detectives — some now retired — and William Snyder, Martin County’s Sheriff-elect. The grand jury also heard testimony from Price’s step-father, Billy Brewer. In May 2003 Brewer unsuccessfully tried to get a restraining order against Price, saying his step-son rarely worked and when he did, he spent the money on crack cocaine. Why prosecutors asked Brewer to testify before the grand jury remains a mystery for now.

Price, most recently living in Haleyville, Ala., has an extensive criminal history with arrests dating to 1991, the sheriff’s office said. He voluntarily returned to the area to give testimony to the grand jury, sheriff’s spokeswoman Rhonda Irons said. At a news conference Thursday, retiring Martin County Sheriff Robert Crowder — also sheriff at the time of Parsons’ disappearance — said that a team of detectives was assigned last year to conduct a further review of evidence collected in the case.
“The resolve to find Andrea and get answers surrounding the circumstances of her disappearance has never wavered,” he said. More arrests are possible, Crowder said.

The investigation originally focused on Davis, a neighbor of Andrea’s, after he told investigators several stories of what happened. He initially told investigators that he saw several men stuff Andrea into a van the night she disappeared. Later, in secretly tape-recorded conversations, he told a close friend he had visions of Andrea being killed and dumped in the woods. Finally, Davis went to sheriff’s detectives and told them he remembered the truth – that Andrea died accidentally while collecting aluminum cans with him and that he left her body in a trash bin.

In 2000, Davis received a nine-year prison sentence in an unrelated case, but he was released from prison in 2003 and returned to Martin County. On Thursday, Crowder said Price and Davis knew each other, but declined to give more details. However, court records show Price was arrested in October 2009 and charged with assaulting Davis. The charge was later dropped.

Andrea’s disappearance on July 11, 1993 gained national attention. The case was featured on television shows such as America’s Most Wanted, and a Nancy Grace special episode “Nancy Grace: America’s Missing” that aired in February 2011.

Andrea was reported missing after she left her house in a mobile home community on Southeast Ebbtide Avenue shortly before 6 p.m. Her mother, Linda, was at work and Linda’s boyfriend at the time, Pat Daniels, was home with Andrea. Daniels told investigators that he was watching a program on The Discovery Channel and Andrea was bored. Andrea was given permission to go visit a friend and walk to the store.

Neighbors described how Andrea waved as she strolled along Commerce Avenue, then cut across the parking lot to Port Salerno Grocery. She bought two bags of potato chips and some candy. Daniels told investigators that he began to worry about Andrea as it grew darker outside. The family had no telephone and Daniels had no access to a car, so he scoured the neighborhood on foot.

Linda Parsons left work at Winn-Dixie at about 10 that evening and was stunned to discover he daughter missing. She drove through the neighborhood, stopping at the houses of Andrea’s friends. At 11 p.m., she called police.

As the 10-year-anniversary of Andrea’s disappearance approached, Linda said that she was still hopeful that her daughter would be found alive.

“I still think she’s alive out there somewhere. I have to believe that,” Linda said in a July 2003 interview with The Palm Beach Post.

Bakkedahl said on Friday he has no doubt that Andrea is dead but the fact that her remains have not been found should not pose any legal challenges. “I don’t need a body,” said Bakkedahl, who has worked on Andrea’s case for 18 years. “Trying a case without a body is mythically difficult but factually it’s not difficult.”

Neither Linda Russell Parsons nor her 31-year-old daughter Josette Howard or their extended family could be reached for comment. Linda Parsons posted stories about Price’s arrest on her Facebook page, which indicated mixed emotions about it.

“After 19 years, an arrest has finally happened in the abduction of my daughter. Everyone, please pray that this man tells us where Andrea is,” she wrote.

Bob Lowery, a senior executive at the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children, said he hopes Parsons’ prayers are answered. But with the passage of so many years he said it wouldn’t be unusual if Andrea’s body is never recovered.

The center has worked on the case off and on for years. It prepared a photo to show what Andrea would look like as an adult. Both Russell, who lives in Niceville in Florida’s Panhandle, and Howard, who lives in the Orlando area, feature the photo of Andrea as a 10-year-old and as an adult on their Facebook pages.

In 2006, the center sent a team of retired police to Martin County to work with law enforcement officers, hoping to solve the case. Recently, it began collecting Andrea’s fingerprints, dental records and DNA so an identification could be made if her remains are found. The agency is collecting similar information about all of the children it is tracking, he said.

Center officials had heard rumors that an arrest was imminent, but nothing official, he said. “We’re very delighted to hear the news that there has been an arrest,” Lowery said.

While he said he can imagine Parsons’ desire to recover her daughter’s body, he said she can take solace that Andrea was never forgotten. “It’s got to be terrible that they can’t put the child to rest,” he said. “But I think she should be a bit grateful to know that even after 19 years you have a law enforcement agency that stayed engaged.”

And, he said, Davis’ arrest doesn’t change Andrea’s status for the center. Until her body is recovered, her photos will remain on the center’s web site.

“The search for the child continues even though law enforcement has made an arrest,” Lowery said. “She will always be a missing child until her remains are found.”

Staff researcher Michelle Quigley, staff writer Jane Musgrave and TCPalm.com contributed to this story.

"Andrea's story just went global...It's your time Lil sis...we will find you...might not be the way we want...but soon baby." 

- Josette Howard

Here's my small attempt to help Andrea's story "go global".

 

♥ Diana
 (aka Jurney Eve) 

The Takeover Youth Conference 2012

Well, I have been quite the slacker lately with my blog, huh? Sorry about that.

Let's see...what do I have to tell you?

In June, I had an excellent opportunity to share my story and my message at The Takeover Youth Conference in Wauchula, Florida. It felt really amazing to be a part of something so inspirational. I was a little nervous about scaring the kids with my story but I think I did a good job of toning it down...a little...and focusing in on how God has worked in my life. There were quite a few teens who gave their heart to the Lord that day. I also met a lot of really cool people and I hope I get to work with them again.

Like Trumfant Muzik 

Jericho

 Inasense

 

I had such a great time at The Takeover Youth Conference. Thank you for making me feel so welcomed. It was truly my pleasure.

♥ Jurney Eve

Let It RAINN

So, my first day as a volunteer advocate at my local Victims Service Center went well. They told me they would like to use me at the SATC (Sexual Assault Treatment Center) where I could be there to support the victims that come in for treatment within 72 hours after they've been assaulted. It will be my job to comfort them and provide them with information about what to expect next.

What to expect if she/he decides to report the assault.

What to expect if she/he decides not to report the assault.

What types of emotions and coping mechanisms they can expect.

What will happen if their case goes to trial.

Where they can look for victim's compensation.

But most importantly, I will be there to comfort them.

I didn't have a victims advocate when I was assaulted. I don't know why. Maybe I was offered one but I refused. I don't remember much about what happened after I was rescued. It was like my brain shut down once it knew I was safe. The only thing I do remember with acute clarity was Tina, my quiet comforter. Tina was a girl that I went to school with and for some reason that I still do not know, she was there with me.  She stood silently next to me while chaos broke loose around me. We barely spoke to each other but just having her near me was comforting. She wasn't an adult. She wasn't a police officer. She wasn't a paramedic. She was just a girl from my high school but she's the only person I remember clearly out of all of my rescuers from that day.

Maybe I can be that for somebody.

I have come such a long way since that day. Heck, I've come a long way since 2007 when I finally worked up the courage to share my story online. Back then it was still too painful to talk about. That's why I chose to write about it. But it wasn't just writing about it that made me feel better. It was interacting with other survivors online that made me realize that I wasn't a freak for feeling the way I did.

Back then I wasn't able to talk about how I was kidnapped and raped so I never went to counseling. I never had the courage to call a hotline or anything.  If there was an online hotline or support group I might have been all over that. But there wasn't...until now. Now there is a completely anonymous, online hotline that victims and their families can go to for support as well as information about recovery, medical issues, the criminal justice process, and local resources that can help them too. It is provided by RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network).

RAINN is the nation's largest anti-sexual violence organization and it was named one of "America's 100 Best Charities" by Worth magazine. RAINN provides support through their hotlines, educates the public about sexual violence, and works with policy makers to improve the system for the victims. Many changes have come about since my assault in 1991 and RAINN played a huge part in that.

I personally am a proud supporter of RAINN as well as a member of their Speakers Bureau. If you are a victim of sexual violence or abuse, I strongly urge you to use one of RAINN's hotlines. You can call 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) or you can go online at online.rainn.org.

I wish I hadn't waited sixteen years before I started talking about my assault. I wish I hadn't allowed it to control so much of my life for so long. And I wish that my story will inspire others to come forward and end their silence as well.

There is power in your voice.

♥ Jurney Eve

I Survived

About 4 months ago, I thought it would be a groovy idea to submit my story to the show "I Survived" on the Biography channel. To be honest, I really didn't expect to ever hear back from them. I figured, they must get 1000's of submissions if not more every week. What are the odds that they would actually take the time to read every single one of them? I mean, I must have written to Oprah about a dozen times over the past two years and no one from her show ever called me. Lol! So I was a little shocked when I got a call from them a month later.

Come to find out, they were interested in little ol' me. This man from the show called me to see if I was still interested in being on the show.  I got the impression that his job was to "feel me out" so to speak. To find out how well I could talk about what happened to me. If I wasn't comfortable talking to him then I probably wouldn't be a good candidate for the show. He explained the ins and outs of how it all worked and answered any questions I had. Then he told me that if the producers thought I would be a good fit then I would get another call later on.

After that phone call I started wondering if going on this show was a good idea after all. For those of you who aren't familiar with the show, it is a documentary of sorts. Each episode takes about 3 different people who have been through some kind of tragedy and it allows them to tell their story in their own words. The focus is on the actual tragedy and how the person managed to survive and it includes as many details as possible.

Telling my story isn't what bothers me. I've told it before. What worries me is that the show isn't interested in what happened to me afterwards...my struggles, my recovery, my faith. They are only interested in the actual crime and how I escaped and that's not why I tell my story. I decided to tell my story in the hope of helping others who have been sexually assaulted or abused. I want them to know that I too went through something horrible. I want to let them know how much I struggled with what happened to me just like they may still be struggling. I want to share my faith with people. I don't so much want to tell them what happened to me but how I recovered from it.

Now to tell you my other concerns for doing the show...How about the fact that the man who kidnapped me isn't rehabilitated and has tried to find me in the past. What if he watches the show and sees my story...his story? That could open a whole new can of worms for him. Or what about the fact that every April there's a chance he will be released from prison. Am I letting him control me still? I don't think so. If I felt that going on this show would further my recovery and help other people, I would take those risks. But I don't feel like it would do either one of those things.

Well, yesterday I received another call from the show asking me if they could come down and interview me. I told them  about my concerns and I asked them if I could think about it. So the director is supposed to call me today. Don't get me wrong, I think it's a good show that is very tastefully done. It portrays the survivor's in a good light. But it is what it is...a show about a tragedy and how the person survived and that's as far as it takes the viewer. I don't want my story to become a form of entertainment on a Sunday evening...cuz that's when the shows on, by the way.

And because of this, I've decided I'm NOT going to do the show. I hope you all understand and aren't too disappointed in my decision.

♥ Jurney

Florida

Today marks the 19th day since I've lived in Florida.

19 days of unpacking and organizing and googling "how to take care of a pool".

Which is more time consuming than I originally imagined. 

19 days of map questing my way around town and registering my children for school. 

And hopefully they have already forgotten about my little outburst at my oldest daughter's school. At the very least, I hope they've forgotten what I look like. I'd hate to have my impatience influence the way my daughter is treated at school. Not one of my proudest moments. Florida's rules of registration are quite different from any other state I've ever lived in. 

19 days of searching for a family doctor, registering our cars and getting my Florida driver's license.

And the question I keep hearing is..."How do you like Florida?"

You would think this would be an easy question to answer. It's pretty cut and dry. Do I like Florida or not. But it's not that simple. For the last 19 days, I've been holed up in my house unpacking and organizing or driving around town trying to figure out where everything essential is. 

We did get to go to Universal Studios for a couple of days and that was fun...inhumanely hot, but fun. 

I have had to adjust a little. Such as...modesty has gone out the window. In Connecticut I would never go out in public in a pair of short shorts and a spaghetti strap tank top. But in Florida, I do. As a matter of fact, that's pretty much what I wear every day. The less clothes the better. That's how hot it is right now.

I am enjoying my new house though. Having stairs again is another adjustment. Who needs a treadmill when I'm stair climbing fifty million times a day, right?

I've been so busy adjusting to Florida that I haven't had a chance to check it all out yet. 

But all in all, I think I'm going to like it. Yes, it's inhumanely hot right now and I can't spend time outside until after 4pm. But fall is just around the corner, right?

There are so many things to do here. I can totally picture myself loving Florida. But I am seriously missing all of my peeps. Cynthia, Pam, Michelle, Jacky, Kerrie, Jan, Roberta...not to mention all of my friends and family in NY and VT that were only a short drive away. You guys are the only thing that keeps pulling me northeast. 

I miss you!

Come visit me! 

♫I'll take you to Universal! ♪

It's an emergency!

Lol!

♥ Jurney Eve

What Are You Waiting For...

If you are not already a fan of Britt Nicole then you need to check her out. You will love her. Her music is so uplifting and encouraging. Every time I listen to one of her songs I am inspired to become a better person. This one song in particular inspires me to step out and try harder to be the person that God has planned for me to be. Maybe it will inspire you in the same way.

"So what are you waiting for? 

What do you have to lose?

Your insecurities try to alter you.

You know you're made for more

So don't be afraid to move

Your faith is all it takes and you can

Walk on the water too."

♥ Jurney Eve

April 28, 2011

April 28...Is there anybody else out there that thinks of April 28 as significant? Is there anybody else out there that counts the days in April until the 28 is upon them?



I used to think of April 28 as a day of mourning. I would mope around all day feeling sorry for myself. I would think about all of the directions my life might have taken if only I had stayed home on April 28, 1991 instead of taken that infamous bike ride. If only I hadn't gone off on my own that day, then maybe I wouldn't have been kidnapped. If only I had listened to my gut when it tried to warn me. All of the "if only"s used to focus around me and how what happened to me could have been avoided "if only".

Well, it's been 20 years since April 28, 1991 and I have come a long way since then.

While today is still a day of reflection and sadness for me, it has evolved into a day of joy as well.


A day of joy because I am no longer that broken little girl who cowers in corners.


A day of joy because I have learned how to deal with my pain instead of suppress it.

A day of joy because if this never happened to me I might not have turned to God for help.


A day of joy because I have finally learned how to forgive.


Twenty years is a long time for someone to hide their pain. If you happen to be one of the millions of people in this country who are hiding their pain behind a smile, I want you to know that you are not alone! I spent half of my life hiding behind a smile and I do not recommend it.


Let's transform April 28. Instead of it being the anniversary of the day I was kidnapped, raped and almost murdered, let's make it a day of transformation, hope and forgiveness. We could think of some clever little name for it and years from now we would hear people say "Happy ___________!"


I don't know.


What I do know is that I will not mope around on April 28, 2011. I will instead chose to remember my jurney and all of the things I've learned along the way. I hope you too take this day to reflect on your life and remember to count your blessings.

Happy Jurney Eve!

♥Jurney

So,I've Been Thinking...

As some of you may already know, I've been working on a second edition of my book, Intended Harm. I'm not planning on making any major changes or anything. I just want to redesign the inside and change the font. I also figured that while I'm at it I might as well add a few chapters about the civil confinement trial and stuff.

Then I thought...maybe I'll use my real name this time around.

When I first started this adventure in self recovery I was terrified of people finding out who I really was. I thought I could hide behind a fake name and remain anonymous forever. But the more I wrote, and the more I interacted with people, the more I felt like I was meant to share my story.

I know how crazy it must sound to most people...crazy psychopath who's about to be released from prison who has already tried to find me, and here I am making it easier by putting myself out there with a book all about how crazy he really is; and now I want to use my real name?!? I know it sounds crazy but that's not how I look at it.

I look at it like this...I have spent half of my life hiding from this man who is in a maximum security prison. For the longest time I wouldn't use the internet because I was afraid that I would do something that would leave a trace of me that would make it easier for him to find me. I wouldn't let my children join sports or other groups because I was afraid of what might happen to them while they were away from me. I never...and I mean NEVER...talked about what this man did to me because it was too painful. I kept everything bottled up inside, pretending it never happened.

But I have come to accept that I have no control over my life. Yes, I can continue to hide in my house and keep all of this to myself but what good does that do? Who does that help? Certainly not me. By sharing my story, I have finally found peace. I can finally talk about what happened to me. I finally feel healed. But it's not only that. By sharing my story, I have helped many women who have been hurt realize that it is possible to overcome their pain too.

I plan on pursuing my goal of becoming an inspirational speaker and for that I will need to use my real name.

Nothing makes me feel more foolish than when people call me Ms. Eve. Lol!

But I am also a woman of logic and logic tells me that using my real name would only make it easier for Mr. Smith to find me. It's not even me I'm worried about. I'm worried about my children...and my family. Of course, we will all have to take certain precautions when Mr. Smith is released from prison, regardless of whether or not I write under my real name or my psuedonym, so...?

I don't know. Any suggestions?


♥ Jurney Eve