He Wants It All Today

I know I've been pretty quiet lately...sorry about that. I've had a lot of things going on though.

I signed with a new publisher and my 2nd edition is scheduled to be available by early February. There will be a couple of big changes to this edition. One of them being a few new chapters from my kidnapper's ex-wife. And another one being the author name. It will not be Jurney Eve! 8-O    

The Victim Service Center is going to be hosting a bike-a-thon based around my story and guess when it's going to be? On April 28, 2012! It's going to be in Orlando, Florida so if you are in the area it would mean so much to me if you would come out that day and support me. You can ride along side me...if you plan on riding slowly...you can walk a shorter route or you can just come out. I'll have more information about that for you soon.

If you've been following my blog for a while you probably know that I usually only write when I feel "moved" to. Whether it's an update on my case, something funny that has happened to me or something that I feel is significant enough to share with you because I think you'll benefit from it...and that is what happened to me today.

This morning I attended Sunday service at New Waters Church in Clermont, Florida and I can honestly say that I have never experienced a church service like this one before. Everyone was so welcoming and friendly. Every song felt like it was directed solely at me. But what made it so unique was the preacher. I've been to many different churches and I've heard many different preachers but there is something different about Pastor Michael Hopewell. He has an honest transparency about him that I have never seen before. When he preaches he shares his life with you and he doesn't hold back. Today's message was about how everything starts in God's hands and we have to give our problems to Him in order for Him to help us. 

I'm sure they haven't seen the last of me at New Waters Church and if you live anywhere near Clermont, Florida or if you're ever visiting the area on a Sunday morning, I highly recommend you stop by. Service starts at 10am. 

You will not be disappointed! 

♥ Diana
(aka Jurney Eve)

Breaking Free

Today I did something I have been planning on doing for the last twenty years.

I bought a bicycle and I rode it.

If you are not familiar with my story you may be thinking, "Big deal! What's so special about that?" Well, I'll tell you.

Twenty years ago, I was riding my bicycle when a man ran me over with his pickup truck...on purpose. Yes, on purpose! After running me over he did a slew of other things to me which landed him in prison and me in a sort of prison of my own. In my prison, I felt as if everyone around me was trying to hurt me so I had to constantly be on my guard. I couldn't go to certain places or I couldn't do certain things because they would make me vulnerable. I lived in fear of everyone around me. I looked at each and every person as a possible crazy person who just wanted to hurt me. I stopped doing a lot of things because of this fear of "what could happen to me". One of which was riding a bicycle. 

For a long time, I felt I couldn't get back on a bicycle because it would remind me of that day and of what that man did to me. But lately, I've been dealing with my memories instead of suppressing them and because of that I thought it was time for me to deal with  this fear as well. 

I could get back on a bicycle. 

But when I let myself really think about it and imagine myself riding on the side of the road with my back to traffic, I had a mini panic attack.  It felt like my blood was racing through my veins. I could feel my heart pounding inside of my chest. As much as I wanted to tackle this next obstacle, I wasn't sure if I actually could. 

But who says you have to ride on the side of the road with your back to traffic? Well, I guess technically the law says that but have you ever seen anyone actually enforce it?.......Me neither. So I've decided I would buy a bicycle and I would ride it on the sidewalk. 

I'm such a rebel! 

And that's exactly what I did today and I'm going to do it again tomorrow.

What did you do today?

♥ Jurney Eve

Don't Let Your Insecurities Alter You

Today I had my first speaking engagement since moving to Florida. It was for the Florida Crime Prevention Training Institute where I would be addressing victim's advocates from all walks of life. I only had about five hours to prepare for it and I was so nervous. All of my usual insecurities came rushing to the surface.

What if I freeze up there? 

What if I forget my place?

What if they don't like what I have to say?

What if I stutter?

What if I start to cry?

What if I trip on my own feet on my way to the podium and knock it over? And then what if the podium knocks over the first row of seats and then the next row and then the next row, creating a domino effect that causes serious bodily injuries............ 

It could happen!

Needless to say, I was a little nervous.

Before I got out of my car to go into the conference, I said a little prayer, like I always do, asking God to calm my nerves and to give me wisdom. I have a little saying I like to say. It's "Not my will but Your's Lord." I say that because I like to remind myself why I started talking about my assault in the first place. I don't do to bring glory to myself. I do what I do because I feel that the Lord is calling me to do it. To help people.

And that was when a little epiphany popped into my head. Why am so nervous?!? I am about to speak to a room full of people who, just like me, do what they do because they want to help people. It wouldn't matter if I stuttered; or if I lost my place; or if I cried; although it might matter if I tripped and inadvertently caused serious bodily injury, but my point is...they wouldn't care about all of those tiny little things that I was feeling so insecure about. And then, the most amazing thing happened. God spoke to me. Well, kind of. In reality a song came on the radio but I have a feeling that it was meant just for me at just that particular moment in time. Lol!

It was Walk On The Water by Britt Nicole and I know it was just for me because the radio like never plays Britt Nicole. So that's the story I'm running with.

Anyways, The song is about our doubts and insecurities and how we can't let them stop us from stepping out and doing what we know we were meant to do...helping others and making a difference in this world. So I wanted to share it with you. Maybe it will inspire you like it inspires me.

"So step out

Even when a storm hits.

Step out

Even when you're broken.

Step out

Even when your heart is telling you, telling you to give up.

Step out

When your hope is stolen.

When you can't see where you're going.

You don't have to be afraid.

So what are you waiting for?

What do you have to lose? 

Your insecurities they try to alter you.

You know you're made for more

So don't be afraid to move.

Your faith is all it takes and you can walk on the water too."

-Britt Nicole

♥ Jurney Eve

Let It RAINN

So, my first day as a volunteer advocate at my local Victims Service Center went well. They told me they would like to use me at the SATC (Sexual Assault Treatment Center) where I could be there to support the victims that come in for treatment within 72 hours after they've been assaulted. It will be my job to comfort them and provide them with information about what to expect next.

What to expect if she/he decides to report the assault.

What to expect if she/he decides not to report the assault.

What types of emotions and coping mechanisms they can expect.

What will happen if their case goes to trial.

Where they can look for victim's compensation.

But most importantly, I will be there to comfort them.

I didn't have a victims advocate when I was assaulted. I don't know why. Maybe I was offered one but I refused. I don't remember much about what happened after I was rescued. It was like my brain shut down once it knew I was safe. The only thing I do remember with acute clarity was Tina, my quiet comforter. Tina was a girl that I went to school with and for some reason that I still do not know, she was there with me.  She stood silently next to me while chaos broke loose around me. We barely spoke to each other but just having her near me was comforting. She wasn't an adult. She wasn't a police officer. She wasn't a paramedic. She was just a girl from my high school but she's the only person I remember clearly out of all of my rescuers from that day.

Maybe I can be that for somebody.

I have come such a long way since that day. Heck, I've come a long way since 2007 when I finally worked up the courage to share my story online. Back then it was still too painful to talk about. That's why I chose to write about it. But it wasn't just writing about it that made me feel better. It was interacting with other survivors online that made me realize that I wasn't a freak for feeling the way I did.

Back then I wasn't able to talk about how I was kidnapped and raped so I never went to counseling. I never had the courage to call a hotline or anything.  If there was an online hotline or support group I might have been all over that. But there wasn't...until now. Now there is a completely anonymous, online hotline that victims and their families can go to for support as well as information about recovery, medical issues, the criminal justice process, and local resources that can help them too. It is provided by RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network).

RAINN is the nation's largest anti-sexual violence organization and it was named one of "America's 100 Best Charities" by Worth magazine. RAINN provides support through their hotlines, educates the public about sexual violence, and works with policy makers to improve the system for the victims. Many changes have come about since my assault in 1991 and RAINN played a huge part in that.

I personally am a proud supporter of RAINN as well as a member of their Speakers Bureau. If you are a victim of sexual violence or abuse, I strongly urge you to use one of RAINN's hotlines. You can call 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) or you can go online at online.rainn.org.

I wish I hadn't waited sixteen years before I started talking about my assault. I wish I hadn't allowed it to control so much of my life for so long. And I wish that my story will inspire others to come forward and end their silence as well.

There is power in your voice.

♥ Jurney Eve

I Don't Want To Gain The Whole World And Lose My Soul

I feel that God has been throwing a message at me over the past few months or so. Whether it's through the words of others; the books I've read; lyrics of the songs I've heard; emails or even through Facebook status updates. I feel that God has been trying to remind me that He is not done working in my life. I am not finished growing. My journey is not over. And while I already knew this, I have to admit that I have become a little too comfortable in my relationship with God. A few years ago, when I was writing my book, I was constantly seeking God's healing and guidance. I REALLY needed it because I was in such a bad emotional state.

But I had made such an incredible breakthrough after writing my book. To me, nothing short of a miracle had happened during that time in my life. All of the healing and growing that took place within me was nothing short of a miracle.

A miracle that I was even talking about how I was kidnapped and raped.

A miracle that I had learned how to feel whole again after sixteen years of feeling lost, worthless, broken, unlovable, unfixable, abnormal.

You get the idea.

For the last few years, I have felt so strong in my faith. I was ready to change the world one broken heart at a time. I was running the race I felt God had laid out before me. But I think that I got so caught up in trying to figure out how I could help other people that I stopped trying to figure out how to keep helping myself. And after a while, I started doubting myself. I started feeling discouraged, like I was never going to accomplish all of the things that I wanted to; all of the things that I felt God was calling me to accomplish.

But He has reminded me that I can't take care of others if I don't take care of myself. And so, I need to bring the focus back around to me. Oh, I'm not going to stop reaching out and encouraging others. I'm still going to volunteer at the Victims Service Center, volunteer as a member of RAINN's Speaker Bureau, write my second edition and still raise a little money for the occasional charity on the side, but I will remember to take time to spend with God.

We all lead busy, busy lives but we must remember to take a little time, even if it's only 5 minutes, for ourselves. Pick up your Bible and let it fall open to a random passage; or start at the beginning...I recommend the New Testament...and read a few verses every day. I've started in Ephesians. If we don't take the time to connect with Him and focus on ourselves then we will never be truly happy or be as successful as He meant for us to be.

Faith is not a constant without maintenance and always remember..."I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

♥ Jurney Eve