Be Still And Know That I Am Lord

It's so easy to get sidetracked in this world.

While we're trying to meet deadlines and get to the next meeting and we have a to-do list as long as our arm. When it feels like we're being pulled in fifty different directions and we can't remember the last time we had a little free time. Those are the times I need to remind myself that the only deadline I need to meet is God's and the only meeting I need to get to is His.

I'm having one of those days. Hey, I'm having one of those months. I feel like I'm being pulled in so many different directions right now that I am inevitably going to let someone down. It's during these times that I like to shut myself up in a quiet room and say to myself, "Be still and know that I am Lord."

I may not see what God sees or know where He's taking my life but I have complete faith in Him and I trust the path He has for me.

Do you?

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all you ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight." -Proverbs 3:5-6

"You lead, I'll follow, Your hands hold my tomorrow,
Your grip, Your grace, You know the way...
...Cause I know what you got for me is more than I can see,
So lead me on, on, on and on"

-Jamie Grace

♥ Jurney Eve

I Don't Want To Gain The Whole World And Lose My Soul

I feel that God has been throwing a message at me over the past few months or so. Whether it's through the words of others; the books I've read; lyrics of the songs I've heard; emails or even through Facebook status updates. I feel that God has been trying to remind me that He is not done working in my life. I am not finished growing. My journey is not over. And while I already knew this, I have to admit that I have become a little too comfortable in my relationship with God. A few years ago, when I was writing my book, I was constantly seeking God's healing and guidance. I REALLY needed it because I was in such a bad emotional state.

But I had made such an incredible breakthrough after writing my book. To me, nothing short of a miracle had happened during that time in my life. All of the healing and growing that took place within me was nothing short of a miracle.

A miracle that I was even talking about how I was kidnapped and raped.

A miracle that I had learned how to feel whole again after sixteen years of feeling lost, worthless, broken, unlovable, unfixable, abnormal.

You get the idea.

For the last few years, I have felt so strong in my faith. I was ready to change the world one broken heart at a time. I was running the race I felt God had laid out before me. But I think that I got so caught up in trying to figure out how I could help other people that I stopped trying to figure out how to keep helping myself. And after a while, I started doubting myself. I started feeling discouraged, like I was never going to accomplish all of the things that I wanted to; all of the things that I felt God was calling me to accomplish.

But He has reminded me that I can't take care of others if I don't take care of myself. And so, I need to bring the focus back around to me. Oh, I'm not going to stop reaching out and encouraging others. I'm still going to volunteer at the Victims Service Center, volunteer as a member of RAINN's Speaker Bureau, write my second edition and still raise a little money for the occasional charity on the side, but I will remember to take time to spend with God.

We all lead busy, busy lives but we must remember to take a little time, even if it's only 5 minutes, for ourselves. Pick up your Bible and let it fall open to a random passage; or start at the beginning...I recommend the New Testament...and read a few verses every day. I've started in Ephesians. If we don't take the time to connect with Him and focus on ourselves then we will never be truly happy or be as successful as He meant for us to be.

Faith is not a constant without maintenance and always remember..."I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

♥ Jurney Eve

I Survived

About 4 months ago, I thought it would be a groovy idea to submit my story to the show "I Survived" on the Biography channel. To be honest, I really didn't expect to ever hear back from them. I figured, they must get 1000's of submissions if not more every week. What are the odds that they would actually take the time to read every single one of them? I mean, I must have written to Oprah about a dozen times over the past two years and no one from her show ever called me. Lol! So I was a little shocked when I got a call from them a month later.

Come to find out, they were interested in little ol' me. This man from the show called me to see if I was still interested in being on the show.  I got the impression that his job was to "feel me out" so to speak. To find out how well I could talk about what happened to me. If I wasn't comfortable talking to him then I probably wouldn't be a good candidate for the show. He explained the ins and outs of how it all worked and answered any questions I had. Then he told me that if the producers thought I would be a good fit then I would get another call later on.

After that phone call I started wondering if going on this show was a good idea after all. For those of you who aren't familiar with the show, it is a documentary of sorts. Each episode takes about 3 different people who have been through some kind of tragedy and it allows them to tell their story in their own words. The focus is on the actual tragedy and how the person managed to survive and it includes as many details as possible.

Telling my story isn't what bothers me. I've told it before. What worries me is that the show isn't interested in what happened to me afterwards...my struggles, my recovery, my faith. They are only interested in the actual crime and how I escaped and that's not why I tell my story. I decided to tell my story in the hope of helping others who have been sexually assaulted or abused. I want them to know that I too went through something horrible. I want to let them know how much I struggled with what happened to me just like they may still be struggling. I want to share my faith with people. I don't so much want to tell them what happened to me but how I recovered from it.

Now to tell you my other concerns for doing the show...How about the fact that the man who kidnapped me isn't rehabilitated and has tried to find me in the past. What if he watches the show and sees my story...his story? That could open a whole new can of worms for him. Or what about the fact that every April there's a chance he will be released from prison. Am I letting him control me still? I don't think so. If I felt that going on this show would further my recovery and help other people, I would take those risks. But I don't feel like it would do either one of those things.

Well, yesterday I received another call from the show asking me if they could come down and interview me. I told them  about my concerns and I asked them if I could think about it. So the director is supposed to call me today. Don't get me wrong, I think it's a good show that is very tastefully done. It portrays the survivor's in a good light. But it is what it is...a show about a tragedy and how the person survived and that's as far as it takes the viewer. I don't want my story to become a form of entertainment on a Sunday evening...cuz that's when the shows on, by the way.

And because of this, I've decided I'm NOT going to do the show. I hope you all understand and aren't too disappointed in my decision.

♥ Jurney

Chances and Changes

God has been opening some pretty big doors for me lately. Ever since I started on my "journey to heal"...which is what I refer to as the last four years of my life; from the time I got the idea to write about being kidnapped to the present day...I've been asking God to show me what He wants me to do with my story. Who does He want me to help? I want to help as many people as I can. I just don't know how to get started doing that.


I know I'm not going to help anyone unless I put myself out there and talk about it. The problem I'm having is I'm not sure who to approach. My story isn't for everyone. My story is about surviving and healing from a violent sexual assault, which isn't exactly geared for a mainstream audience. But one might think I could approach women's clinics or charity groups or something along those lines. But another very important aspect of my story, and I think the most important aspect, is the relationship I developed with God throughout the last 20 years of my life, which is responsible for healing me. If it wasn't for God I wouldn't be the person I am today. Therefore, I believe I must include Him when I share my story.


Do you see my dilemma?


So...back to the doors that God is opening for me...




Apparently April is Sexual Assault Awareness month and many places all around the nation are raising awareness by hosting events and I have been asked to speak at one of them. On April 14th I will share my story, my whole story, God and all, to approximately 300 people at a college in upstate NY! Is this my answer from God?  We'll see. I'm so excited yet completely terrified at the same time. I'll let you know how that goes.
 


I'm still working on the second edition of Intended Harm but I don't think my goal of having it finished by the end of spring is going to happen because of another huge, life altering change that is about to happen in my family. We are being relocated to Florida this summer with my husband's job. He actually leaves on April 6th because they need him by April 11th, but the kids and I will stay behind to finish out the school year. So I will, essentially, be a single mother to three kids for a couple of months, while working two jobs, editing my book, writing a speech and I'll also be responsible for packing everything we own. I'm very grateful but at times I feel completely overwhelmed. 


Oh no! Look at the time! I'm gonna have to wrap this up because I have to be at my daughter's school in a few minutes. It's Wednesday and on Wednesdays I volunteer in her classroom. 

Thank you God for all of the blessings in my life. 

♥Jurney