Showing posts with label self esteem. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self esteem. Show all posts
Friday
Tuesday
Don't Let Your Insecurities Alter You
Today I had my first speaking engagement since moving to Florida. It was for the Florida Crime Prevention Training Institute where I would be addressing victim's advocates from all walks of life. I only had about five hours to prepare for it and I was so nervous. All of my usual insecurities came rushing to the surface.
Needless to say, I was a little nervous.
Before I got out of my car to go into the conference, I said a little prayer, like I always do, asking God to calm my nerves and to give me wisdom. I have a little saying I like to say. It's "Not my will but Your's Lord." I say that because I like to remind myself why I started talking about my assault in the first place. I don't do to bring glory to myself. I do what I do because I feel that the Lord is calling me to do it. To help people.
And that was when a little epiphany popped into my head. Why am so nervous?!? I am about to speak to a room full of people who, just like me, do what they do because they want to help people. It wouldn't matter if I stuttered; or if I lost my place; or if I cried; although it might matter if I tripped and inadvertently caused serious bodily injury, but my point is...they wouldn't care about all of those tiny little things that I was feeling so insecure about. And then, the most amazing thing happened. God spoke to me. Well, kind of. In reality a song came on the radio but I have a feeling that it was meant just for me at just that particular moment in time. Lol!
It was Walk On The Water by Britt Nicole and I know it was just for me
because the radio like never plays Britt Nicole. So that's the story I'm
running with.
Anyways, The song is about our doubts and insecurities and how we can't let them stop us from stepping out and doing what we know we were meant to do...helping others and making a difference in this world. So I wanted to share it with you. Maybe it will inspire you like it inspires me.
What if I freeze up there?
What if I forget my place?
What if they don't like what I have to say?
What if I stutter?
What if I start to cry?
What if I trip on my own feet on my way to the podium and knock it over? And then what if the podium knocks over the first row of seats and then the next row and then the next row, creating a domino effect that causes serious bodily injuries............
It could happen!
Needless to say, I was a little nervous.
Before I got out of my car to go into the conference, I said a little prayer, like I always do, asking God to calm my nerves and to give me wisdom. I have a little saying I like to say. It's "Not my will but Your's Lord." I say that because I like to remind myself why I started talking about my assault in the first place. I don't do to bring glory to myself. I do what I do because I feel that the Lord is calling me to do it. To help people.
And that was when a little epiphany popped into my head. Why am so nervous?!? I am about to speak to a room full of people who, just like me, do what they do because they want to help people. It wouldn't matter if I stuttered; or if I lost my place; or if I cried; although it might matter if I tripped and inadvertently caused serious bodily injury, but my point is...they wouldn't care about all of those tiny little things that I was feeling so insecure about. And then, the most amazing thing happened. God spoke to me. Well, kind of. In reality a song came on the radio but I have a feeling that it was meant just for me at just that particular moment in time. Lol!
Anyways, The song is about our doubts and insecurities and how we can't let them stop us from stepping out and doing what we know we were meant to do...helping others and making a difference in this world. So I wanted to share it with you. Maybe it will inspire you like it inspires me.
"So step out
Even when a storm hits.
Step out
Even when you're broken.
Step out
Even when your heart is telling you, telling you to give up.
Step out
When your hope is stolen.
When you can't see where you're going.
You don't have to be afraid.
So what are you waiting for?
What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities they try to alter you.
You know you're made for more
So don't be afraid to move.
Your faith is all it takes and you can walk on the water too."
-Britt Nicole
♥ Jurney Eve
Thursday
True Colors
Today I feel like I have a huge hole in my heart.
Somebody I love with my absolute whole heart is in pain and I feel powerless to help her.
How can someone who is amazingly gifted, beautiful, smart, inspiring, loving...How can they not see themselves the way everyone else does?
Here I go, being all hypocritical, when in fact, it wasn't that long ago that I struggled with my own self-esteem. I think everybody struggles with that from time to time. When it was me, I remember just how awful I felt about myself. I also remember all of the things I did to try and boost my self-esteem. I guess that's why I am so sad right now. I don't want her to do what I did. I don't want her to inadvertently hurt herself on her quest for perfection.
Everything within me wants to wrap her in my arms and tell her how much I love her and just how important she is to me...and to so many other people. I want to tell her, fail or succeed it doesn't matter. She can make a million mistakes...it doesn't matter. She is perfectly imperfect...just like everyone else.
People beat themselves up on a daily basis trying to be perfect...trying to look perfect...trying to act perfect. But how boring would this world be if everyone was the same? We would have no music...no lyrics...no artists...no actors...no athletes...no books...(*gasp*)
Think about your favorite musician. Now think about what would have become of them if they allowed their uniqueness to be stifled in the hopes of being and looking and acting like everyone else.
Embrace your uniqueness. Embrace your beautiful self. Because you ARE beautiful!
All of those things that make you different are the things that people treasure most about you.
Somebody I love with my absolute whole heart is in pain and I feel powerless to help her.
How can someone who is amazingly gifted, beautiful, smart, inspiring, loving...How can they not see themselves the way everyone else does?
Here I go, being all hypocritical, when in fact, it wasn't that long ago that I struggled with my own self-esteem. I think everybody struggles with that from time to time. When it was me, I remember just how awful I felt about myself. I also remember all of the things I did to try and boost my self-esteem. I guess that's why I am so sad right now. I don't want her to do what I did. I don't want her to inadvertently hurt herself on her quest for perfection.
Everything within me wants to wrap her in my arms and tell her how much I love her and just how important she is to me...and to so many other people. I want to tell her, fail or succeed it doesn't matter. She can make a million mistakes...it doesn't matter. She is perfectly imperfect...just like everyone else.
People beat themselves up on a daily basis trying to be perfect...trying to look perfect...trying to act perfect. But how boring would this world be if everyone was the same? We would have no music...no lyrics...no artists...no actors...no athletes...no books...(*gasp*)
Think about your favorite musician. Now think about what would have become of them if they allowed their uniqueness to be stifled in the hopes of being and looking and acting like everyone else.
Embrace your uniqueness. Embrace your beautiful self. Because you ARE beautiful!
All of those things that make you different are the things that people treasure most about you.
"For You created my inmost being:
You knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made."
Psalm 139:13-14
♥ Jurney Eve
Wednesday
The Circle of Life
Tonight, I am fascinated by the great circle of life.
In fact, I feel a need to bow in silence as I listen to Elton John sing about it in the background.
After listening to my daughter and her friend talk about all the different trials and and questions they are faced with as high school students today, I have realized that time has a quirky way of repeating itself. I've listened to all of their questions and concerns about the problems that the average teenager is faced with today and I've come to the conclusion that they are the same problems and concerns that I faced as a teenager myself...more or less.
Not only that, but have you seen some of the styles that are coming back? I mean...really?!?
Skinny jeans?...Off the shoulder shirts?...Neon colors?...I found these pictures in my daughter's picture folder. Can you honestly say that they wouldn't fit right into a John Hughes movie?
Except today they're made out of duct tape.
Anyways...my point is...we are all connected. As a teenager I never understood this...more importantly I didn't want to.
All of the trials you're faced with at a young age, you can guarantee that you're Mom or your Aunt has been through them as well. And though you may think of us "old people" as incompetent and senile, there will come a day when you will look to us for wisdom.
What's worse...there will come a day when you're sitting on the couch, listening to your fifteen year old daughter and her friend talk about all the drama in their lives and you'll want to desperately chime in with a "when-I-was-your-age" story but when you do they'll just look at you as if you have just sprouted wings and then suddenly decide they're tired and need to go to bed...not that that just happened to me or anything. I'm just saying that it COULD happen.
♥ Jurney Eve
In fact, I feel a need to bow in silence as I listen to Elton John sing about it in the background.
After listening to my daughter and her friend talk about all the different trials and and questions they are faced with as high school students today, I have realized that time has a quirky way of repeating itself. I've listened to all of their questions and concerns about the problems that the average teenager is faced with today and I've come to the conclusion that they are the same problems and concerns that I faced as a teenager myself...more or less.
Not only that, but have you seen some of the styles that are coming back? I mean...really?!?
Skinny jeans?...Off the shoulder shirts?...Neon colors?...I found these pictures in my daughter's picture folder. Can you honestly say that they wouldn't fit right into a John Hughes movie?
Except today they're made out of duct tape.
Anyways...my point is...we are all connected. As a teenager I never understood this...more importantly I didn't want to.
All of the trials you're faced with at a young age, you can guarantee that you're Mom or your Aunt has been through them as well. And though you may think of us "old people" as incompetent and senile, there will come a day when you will look to us for wisdom.
What's worse...there will come a day when you're sitting on the couch, listening to your fifteen year old daughter and her friend talk about all the drama in their lives and you'll want to desperately chime in with a "when-I-was-your-age" story but when you do they'll just look at you as if you have just sprouted wings and then suddenly decide they're tired and need to go to bed...not that that just happened to me or anything. I'm just saying that it COULD happen.
♥ Jurney Eve
Tuesday
Frivolous Facebooking
Today I would like to express how grateful I am that Facebook wasn't around when I was a teenager?
I couldn't even imagine the statuses and comments I would have left, not to mention the pictures I would have posted.
Words and images forever immortalized and always retrievable on the internet.
Remember that!
Now, I'm not saying that all teenagers post things that they will regret later in life. I know a lot of great kids that are very responsible with the internet. Also, for me to imply that it is only teenagers that are irresponsible, would be wrong. I'm just saying that I have a strong hunch that I personally would have been irresponsible.
Everyday I log onto Facebook, there's always one or two people on my friends list who remind me of this. Whether it's through their status updates, their arguments that they post publicly for everyone to see, the thousands of quizzes they take that end up revealing so much personal information that it seems like the quizzes were written by actual identity thieves, or their pictures they post...It is all a small glimpse into what my Facebook page would have looked like if it was around back in the day.
Now I'm sorry if you think I'm coming across as pompous, arrogant, a little condescending, a little cheeky. I'm not writing this to be disrespectful to anyone or to make them feel stupid. Chances are, if you're one of the people who are reading my blog that centers around my faith, then you're probably not one of those people who Facebook frivolously anyway, but just in case you are...I apologize to you. If it makes you feel better, I just spent the last hour skimming through my Facebook page, all the way back to 2007, which was quite humorous by the way and I totally recommend it if you have time. But I came across quite a bit of one or two things that I regrettably posted in the past. I know I'm not perfect.
The point of today's blog isn't to condemn anyone. It is to simply rejoice in the fact that when I was at my weakest point in life; when I felt alone and broken; when I was "looking for love in all the wrong places"; when I was bitter and angry at the world; that I didn't have the option of posting my pain on the internet like people do today.
God gave us emotions. Without them we would never experience love, friendship, happiness. But He designed us with a will that is stronger than our emotions. Imagine a world where we all allowed our emotions to control our actions.
Emotions are very powerful and are, at times, hard to control. I know because I have a hard time controlling my emotions. When someone cuts me off on the highway, or someone is rude to me at work, I have to constantly remind myself to take a deep breath and relax. I cannot let my emotions affect my actions. (Which is so much easier said than done.) Asking God for help when it comes to controlling my emotions is something I do everyday. But I am so much better at it than I was when I was younger.
God gave us emotions. Without them we would never experience love, friendship, happiness. But He designed us with a will that is stronger than our emotions. Imagine a world where we all allowed our emotions to control our actions.
No thank you!
I don't think that Facebook is a bad thing. I think it's a great thing. I think it's wonderful the way it brings people together. The way we can encourage each other and stay connected even though we are all scattered across the country...and sometimes the world. And while I am grateful that Facebook didn't exist when I was a teenager, I am extremely grateful that it exists today.
 |
| I ♥ Facebook |
♥Jurney
Monday
So,I've Been Thinking...
As some of you may already know, I've been working on a second edition of my book, Intended Harm. I'm not planning on making any major changes or anything. I just want to redesign the inside and change the font. I also figured that while I'm at it I might as well add a few chapters about the civil confinement trial and stuff.
Then I thought...maybe I'll use my real name this time around.
When I first started this adventure in self recovery I was terrified of people finding out who I really was. I thought I could hide behind a fake name and remain anonymous forever. But the more I wrote, and the more I interacted with people, the more I felt like I was meant to share my story.
I know how crazy it must sound to most people...crazy psychopath who's about to be released from prison who has already tried to find me, and here I am making it easier by putting myself out there with a book all about how crazy he really is; and now I want to use my real name?!? I know it sounds crazy but that's not how I look at it.
I look at it like this...I have spent half of my life hiding from this man who is in a maximum security prison. For the longest time I wouldn't use the internet because I was afraid that I would do something that would leave a trace of me that would make it easier for him to find me. I wouldn't let my children join sports or other groups because I was afraid of what might happen to them while they were away from me. I never...and I mean NEVER...talked about what this man did to me because it was too painful. I kept everything bottled up inside, pretending it never happened.
But I have come to accept that I have no control over my life. Yes, I can continue to hide in my house and keep all of this to myself but what good does that do? Who does that help? Certainly not me. By sharing my story, I have finally found peace. I can finally talk about what happened to me. I finally feel healed. But it's not only that. By sharing my story, I have helped many women who have been hurt realize that it is possible to overcome their pain too.
I plan on pursuing my goal of becoming an inspirational speaker and for that I will need to use my real name.
Nothing makes me feel more foolish than when people call me Ms. Eve. Lol!
But I am also a woman of logic and logic tells me that using my real name would only make it easier for Mr. Smith to find me. It's not even me I'm worried about. I'm worried about my children...and my family. Of course, we will all have to take certain precautions when Mr. Smith is released from prison, regardless of whether or not I write under my real name or my psuedonym, so...?
I don't know. Any suggestions?
♥ Jurney Eve
Then I thought...maybe I'll use my real name this time around.
When I first started this adventure in self recovery I was terrified of people finding out who I really was. I thought I could hide behind a fake name and remain anonymous forever. But the more I wrote, and the more I interacted with people, the more I felt like I was meant to share my story.
I know how crazy it must sound to most people...crazy psychopath who's about to be released from prison who has already tried to find me, and here I am making it easier by putting myself out there with a book all about how crazy he really is; and now I want to use my real name?!? I know it sounds crazy but that's not how I look at it.
I look at it like this...I have spent half of my life hiding from this man who is in a maximum security prison. For the longest time I wouldn't use the internet because I was afraid that I would do something that would leave a trace of me that would make it easier for him to find me. I wouldn't let my children join sports or other groups because I was afraid of what might happen to them while they were away from me. I never...and I mean NEVER...talked about what this man did to me because it was too painful. I kept everything bottled up inside, pretending it never happened.
But I have come to accept that I have no control over my life. Yes, I can continue to hide in my house and keep all of this to myself but what good does that do? Who does that help? Certainly not me. By sharing my story, I have finally found peace. I can finally talk about what happened to me. I finally feel healed. But it's not only that. By sharing my story, I have helped many women who have been hurt realize that it is possible to overcome their pain too.
I plan on pursuing my goal of becoming an inspirational speaker and for that I will need to use my real name.
Nothing makes me feel more foolish than when people call me Ms. Eve. Lol!
But I am also a woman of logic and logic tells me that using my real name would only make it easier for Mr. Smith to find me. It's not even me I'm worried about. I'm worried about my children...and my family. Of course, we will all have to take certain precautions when Mr. Smith is released from prison, regardless of whether or not I write under my real name or my psuedonym, so...?
I don't know. Any suggestions?
♥ Jurney Eve
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