I am on fire!

I have been busy working on the second edition of Intended Harm and I am so close to being finished.

Sure my house is a little dirty. And maybe my lawn could use a little attention. But I haven't felt this inspired in quite some time so I'm going to take advantage of it while I can. Plus, it helps keep my nerves calm because in case you haven't noticed...

There's a hurricane coming! 

It's supposed to pass by me either Thursday or Friday. So if you don't hear from me for a while it means things didn't go well. 

Of course, it could just mean that I'm being lazy and haven't updated my blog because we all know how responsible I am at that. ;)

♥ Jurney Eve

All In God's Time

For the past 19.5 years, I have been dealing...or rather I have been suppressing and NOT dealing...with what happened to me. For the majority of those years, I have not done well. However, the past few years have been a lot better. Ever since I opened up and started writing and talking about how I was raped, I feel like a completely different person. I would have never thought that I would be where I am today. I could never have imagined myself standing in front of groups of women and telling them my story. I wouldn't even talk about it to anyone.

I think one of the most amazing things that have come out of me sharing my story is all the wonderful people I have met or reconnected with. I have helped and counseled others who are in pain and I have made new friends. I feel like God is constantly blessing my life with different people. 

Remember the letter I received a couple of weeks ago from my kidnapper's ex-wife. How amazing was that?!? We have written back and forth a few times already and we both feel blessed for having found each other. Through our correspondence, I have had the good fortune to connect with someone else. *Mr. Smith's daughter. The one who was only 2 years old when I was kidnapped. She gave me permission to share it with you.

Jurney,

Hello. (I've always wanted to say that to you).

My mom told me you wrote a book. I go to college two hours away from home, but this weekend I'm going home to read it. I almost had it overnight-ed to me here at school, but mom told me to just wait and save my money (I'm a poor college kid) :/

I don't really know what to say, I don't want to say too much too soon. I do want you to know that I think about you as much as I think about my family. I grew up knowing everything that happened and I have a few memories of my own. I almost feel as though you are a part of my family, just a relative I've never met. One of those circumstances where family is torn apart by something horrific. Knowing that there isn't a hatred towards my mom and I on your behalf has lifted a HUGE weight off of my shoulders. I feel more at ease, and I don't feel like my mom and I are alone anymore. I've seen my mom cry a lot, and I have cried a lot as well. Your always in our thoughts and prayers. I thank God everyday for making us all strong women. Thank you for reaching out to me, it means more than you know :)

With Love,
Tara 

All in God's time.

♥ Jurney Eve

So,I've Been Thinking...

As some of you may already know, I've been working on a second edition of my book, Intended Harm. I'm not planning on making any major changes or anything. I just want to redesign the inside and change the font. I also figured that while I'm at it I might as well add a few chapters about the civil confinement trial and stuff.

Then I thought...maybe I'll use my real name this time around.

When I first started this adventure in self recovery I was terrified of people finding out who I really was. I thought I could hide behind a fake name and remain anonymous forever. But the more I wrote, and the more I interacted with people, the more I felt like I was meant to share my story.

I know how crazy it must sound to most people...crazy psychopath who's about to be released from prison who has already tried to find me, and here I am making it easier by putting myself out there with a book all about how crazy he really is; and now I want to use my real name?!? I know it sounds crazy but that's not how I look at it.

I look at it like this...I have spent half of my life hiding from this man who is in a maximum security prison. For the longest time I wouldn't use the internet because I was afraid that I would do something that would leave a trace of me that would make it easier for him to find me. I wouldn't let my children join sports or other groups because I was afraid of what might happen to them while they were away from me. I never...and I mean NEVER...talked about what this man did to me because it was too painful. I kept everything bottled up inside, pretending it never happened.

But I have come to accept that I have no control over my life. Yes, I can continue to hide in my house and keep all of this to myself but what good does that do? Who does that help? Certainly not me. By sharing my story, I have finally found peace. I can finally talk about what happened to me. I finally feel healed. But it's not only that. By sharing my story, I have helped many women who have been hurt realize that it is possible to overcome their pain too.

I plan on pursuing my goal of becoming an inspirational speaker and for that I will need to use my real name.

Nothing makes me feel more foolish than when people call me Ms. Eve. Lol!

But I am also a woman of logic and logic tells me that using my real name would only make it easier for Mr. Smith to find me. It's not even me I'm worried about. I'm worried about my children...and my family. Of course, we will all have to take certain precautions when Mr. Smith is released from prison, regardless of whether or not I write under my real name or my psuedonym, so...?

I don't know. Any suggestions?


♥ Jurney Eve