Stop & Pray

Today I was saddened to hear about a cycling accident that happened in my neighborhood this weekend. A 53 year old man was struck and killed by a car while riding his bicycle in the bike lane. The car was driven by an 18 year old boy who was smoking synthetic marijuana while driving. And while I didn't know the man who was killed it doesn't stop the fact that this story has triggered feelings in me I didn't expect to feel. 

As some of you know, I was also struck by a car while riding my bicycle in the bike lane, although the person who hit me hit me on purpose in order to kidnap me. Because of what happened to me, I was afraid to even get back on a bicycle. It took me 20 years before I summoned enough courage to do it and even then I couldn't bring myself to ride in the bike lane. I have been riding my bike again for almost a year now and when I do, I ride it on the sidewalk. The only exception to that was on April 28, 2012 when I rode my bike in the 1st annual Ride to Reach event, which was inspired by my story. That was the only time I rode in the bike lane and I only did because I was accompanied by the East Side Cycling Club who rode alongside me and made me feel safe. When I hear this story, it reinforces my fear of the bike lane. Cyclists are so vulnerable compared to a car. One second of inattentiveness from a driver is all it takes. 

My heart goes out to the family of the man who was killed. 

I have feelings of anger toward the driver of the car. I find myself judging him and I have to remind myself not to. 

It's not my place to judge. 

I have strange feelings of empathy toward him as well because, unfortunately, I can somewhat relate to him. After I was kidnapped, I went through a very dark period of depression that lasted for years. As I mentioned in my book, I abused drugs and alcohol during that time and I made many, many bad choices. I'm not proud to say this, but I drove under the influence many times back then. It's only by God's grace that I didn't hurt anyone. I certainly could have. I can't imagine what this young man will have to live with for the rest of his life. 

His bad choice killed someone! 

No, I will not judge him. Instead I'll pray for him. And as I ride my bike today...on the sidewalk...I will pass by the spot where this tragic accident happened and I will stop and I will pray.

♥ Jurney    

The Hardest Part of Parenting

You know? Before I became a mother, I always assumed that the baby stage would be the hardest stage of parenting for me. Mostly because I had no experience with babies. They intimidated me. They're so vulnerable. I was afraid I was going to break them. How would I get a shirt over their heads without snapping their necks?

As a matter of fact, my firstborn only wore items of clothing that didn't require over the head application until she seemed "sturdy" enough.

Other than their vulnerability, how was I supposed to know what they wanted? Everyone told me I would be able to tell the difference between a "hungry" cry and a "tired" cry but to me they all sounded the same. What if I couldn't tell the difference between a "hurt" cry and a "tired" cry and something bad happened?

I remember when I was pregnant with my firstborn, I called my best friend and cried about how scared I was of becoming a mother. I was so afraid I would do something wrong or I wouldn't be good enough. 

The day my oldest child started talking and could effectively tell me exactly why she was crying was one of the happiest days of my life. It alleviated so much stress for me. Now I didn't have to worry whether she was hurt or hungry because she could simply tell me. Things were "easy" for a few years after that and then came... 

Kindergarten.

Oh man! The day I had to "cut the cord" and release my baby girl into the hands of strangers was so hard! Letting her go and trusting others to love and protect her the way I had been doing for the last 4.5 years was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I remember literally feeling sick to my stomach with worry. And for that moment in time I thought, "This is the hardest part of parenting." But over time it got easier and I learned to love that stage. I loved watching her learn and make new friends. And the older she got, the more she developed into her own person. She's 16 now and I've had the privilege of watching her become an amazing young woman who has a heart for everyone. Who wants to right all of the world's wrongs and I am so proud of her. But, once again I find myself saying, "This is the hardest part of parenting." Right now, she's learning how to "cut the cord," so to speak, and I'm not ready. She's seeking more freedom and wanting new boundaries and I want to give those things to her but I'm having a hard time letting go. I'm trying. I really am but...

She can drive a car now for goodness sake!

It feels like she doesn't need me anymore but I have so much more to teach her. We have so much more to teach each other. 

I love you, baby! Please don't forget that no matter how old you get you will always fit in my arms and we will always need each other.

"Your baby blues
So full of wonder
Your curly cues
Your contagious smile
And as i watch
You start to grow up
All I can do is hold you tight

 Knowing clouds will rage and
Storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms

Castles they might crumble
Dreams may not come true
But you are never all alone
Because I will always
Always love you"

-Plumb

 

♥ Jurney Eve

The Takeover Youth Conference 2012

Well, I have been quite the slacker lately with my blog, huh? Sorry about that.

Let's see...what do I have to tell you?

In June, I had an excellent opportunity to share my story and my message at The Takeover Youth Conference in Wauchula, Florida. It felt really amazing to be a part of something so inspirational. I was a little nervous about scaring the kids with my story but I think I did a good job of toning it down...a little...and focusing in on how God has worked in my life. There were quite a few teens who gave their heart to the Lord that day. I also met a lot of really cool people and I hope I get to work with them again.

Like Trumfant Muzik 

Jericho

 Inasense

 

I had such a great time at The Takeover Youth Conference. Thank you for making me feel so welcomed. It was truly my pleasure.

♥ Jurney Eve

Happy Mother's Day

In honor of Mother's Day, I wanted to share a story with you. It's one of those stories that is so rewarding that it makes you want to cry...at least it made me cry.

But then again, I cried while watching Justin Bieber's Never Say Never movie so who knows. 

It isn't anything too amazing. It's just one of those stories that makes you feel like all the things you teach your children really does make a difference. A story that makes you realize that they are listening to you after all.

Anyway...As most of you know, I have three children. For their entire existence I have taken them to church, taught them Bible stories, prayed with them, and tried my best to lead them to the Lord. Some are more receptive than others and others...well, they prefer video games. As a mother, I constantly worry whether or not my kids are really hearing me; do they pay attention in Sunday School; why don't they want to read the Bible the way they want to read the latest book series; am I being the best role model I can be for them? I'm sure most mother's can relate. Well, something happened earlier this week that made me see that even my video game lover is in fact listening to me.

My husband and I decided to do something crazy and go out to dinner...just the two of us. We left our 16 year old in charge with all of the instructions of what to do and what not to do and who to call and who not to call. It wasn't her first time babysitting. She's done it before and we were confident that everyone was in good hands with her. It got to be around dinner time so she was preparing a delicious meal of frozen Salisbury steaks and mashed potatoes when she accidentally spilled hot gravy on her arm. In the heat of the moment she calls me. Now, I don't know if you've ever received one of these phone calls but let me tell you, they're not for the faint of heart.

I'm sitting at dinner when my phone rings. I see that it's my 16 year old daughter but I don't panic. She calls me all the time when she's babysitting, but this time when I answer the phone I hear incoherent, high pitched weeping. I can't understand what she's saying because the restaurant is loud and she's upsets. Worse case scenarios start playing in my head and for one brief second I think about abandoning my husband at the table without a word and racing for home as fast as I can. Instead, I regain my composure and start calming my daughter down and giving her instructions. After a few minutes, everyone calms down. She's got ice on her arm and all is good again in the world. My husband and I come home shortly afterwards to see our 16 year old on the couch, still icing her arm.

Now here's the good part of the story. My 16 year old told me that after she got off the phone with me and all the chaos had died down, my video game loving 11 year old son took my 7 year old daughter by the hand, walked over to my injured daughter and said, "Do you want us to pray for you?"

I KNOW!!! 

I'm getting teary-eyed just thinking about it! What a great feeling it was to hear that. It made me see that just because he seems to only care about video games right now there is still hope. Someone should invent some exciting Biblical video games.

"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." 

Proverbs 22:6

♥ Diana
(aka Jurney Eve)

April 28, 2012

April 28, 2012...The 21st anniversary of the day I was kidnapped, sexually assaulted and almost murdered by a stranger while riding my bicycle.

Every April for me has been a time of reflection. Usually I end up spending April 28th by myself. It's kind of become a tradition for me. I know that must sound sad but it's not...well not anymore. During the early years after my assault, I would sit around and feel sorry for myself. Sorry for everything I had lost that day. Sorry for the person I once was. Sorry for the person I would never be. Just sorry. Sorry and sad.

But in the last few years, when April rolls around, I've had new feelings. I no longer feel sorry for the person I once was. Instead I embrace the woman I've become. I'm grateful for what I have and I appreciate life so much more now.

I've told you before that every April I think about something I could do to help myself heal a little more. Usually I say, 'This year I'll ride a bicycle.' In fact, I've said that every April up until 2011. The thought of getting back on a bicycle would create such anxiety for me that I couldn't work up the courage to follow through with it. I didn't know what emotions it would trigger inside of me. But this year I didn't have to say, 'This year I'll ride a bicycle,' because that's a milestone I have already passed. Last December I bought myself a bicycle and I rode it.

 So what did I say I would do this year? This is actually the first year that I didn't make any resolutions, which I think is a milestone in itself. Nope, I didn't make any because it wasn't necessary. Every year I made those resolutions because there was a part of me that I felt was missing but not this year.

This April 28th was very different from the last 20 April 28ths. I didn't make any resolutions and I didn't spend it alone.

This April 28 was the Victim Service Center of Central Florida's 1st annual Ride to Reach event, which was inspired by my story.

I spent April 28, 2012 with 200 or so people bringing awareness to sexual violence. I spent it on a stage where I spoke to the crowd. I spent it with some of my family and friends. I spent it decorating a t-shirt for The Clothesline Project. I spent it riding my bicycle for 17 miles...in the bike lane! And, what I consider the biggest milestone of all, I spent it with Renee and Tara, the ex-wife and the daughter of the man who kidnapped me!

That may sound strange to you and if it does I only have one thing to say...BUY MY BOOK! IT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING!

Meeting Renee and Tara was amazing! We had been communicating with each other for a little more than a year but we had never officially met. I was only a little nervous about meeting them. Mostly I was just excited. I knew from our past communications that I would feel completely at ease with them. I won't lie. There were tears, but they were tears of joy. As Tara puts it, "It was a big cry fest!"

So how do I top this years' April 28th? It was such a phenomenal day for me. I'm still having a hard time thinking that it was real - Just kidding! Of course I know it was real. That would make me crazy! - What I'm trying to say is...I cannot believe all of the milestones I've overcome this April 28th.

I am so grateful to everyone who made this day possible. All of the people who came out to support me. All of the businesses who sponsored the event and who set up booths. Everyone who bought my book, Intended Harm. Renee and Tara for flying down all the way from upstate New York. Avalon Park Group for providing us with the best location I could have asked for and the Victim Service Center of Central Florida, for which I couldn't have done this without them.

But in truth, none of this would have been possible without God's help. Was it my idea to move to Florida or was it God's? Was it my idea to connect with the Victim Service Center or was it God's? Was it my idea to create a bike-a-thon based around my story or was it God's? Was it Renee and Tara's idea to fly to Florida to be a part of Ride to Reach or was it God's?

I believe it was all God's. God has His hands in all of this. I can't wait to see where He takes me next.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the lord, "plans to prosper you and 

not to harm you, plans to give you hope and future." - Jeremiah 29:11-14

♥ Jurney 

Be Still And Know That I Am Lord

It's so easy to get sidetracked in this world.

While we're trying to meet deadlines and get to the next meeting and we have a to-do list as long as our arm. When it feels like we're being pulled in fifty different directions and we can't remember the last time we had a little free time. Those are the times I need to remind myself that the only deadline I need to meet is God's and the only meeting I need to get to is His.

I'm having one of those days. Hey, I'm having one of those months. I feel like I'm being pulled in so many different directions right now that I am inevitably going to let someone down. It's during these times that I like to shut myself up in a quiet room and say to myself, "Be still and know that I am Lord."

I may not see what God sees or know where He's taking my life but I have complete faith in Him and I trust the path He has for me.

Do you?

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all you ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight." -Proverbs 3:5-6

"You lead, I'll follow, Your hands hold my tomorrow,
Your grip, Your grace, You know the way...
...Cause I know what you got for me is more than I can see,
So lead me on, on, on and on"

-Jamie Grace

♥ Jurney Eve

Kayleigh Preston May 6, 1993 - Jan 31, 2012

Kayleigh:

I told Robin not to bring him near me.
He did.
I told Robin not to leave me alone with him.
He did.
I tried to defend myself from his usual habits.
He didn’t do what he usually does.
Oh no. He did something MUCH worse.
And now
My life is actually over. I can’t keep going on like this okay
Once was enough to break me. That one time has given me a chance to overcome myself.
But twice? I know I think badly of myself, but nobody deserves to go through that even once, let alone twice.
And by two different people as well. He was right. I’m nothing but a cheap, worthless whore and I do deserve to die. So why not put everyone out of their misery?

 Anonymous:

Hellloooo. Just saw your last post and thought I'd pop in to say that, although I don't know you, I'm sure you're not cheap, worthless or a whore. Also, you don't deserve to die, and your death would likely create a lot of misery rather than relieve it. Come on, Kayleigh. :)


Kayleigh:
So this made me smile a little
Even though you are completely wrong
Still, thank you

Anonymous:
Hmmm, well, I'm not sure how to convince you that I'm right. How can I convince you that you are none of the bad things you said you are?

Kayleigh:
You can’t. Unless you can reverse being raped twice. So yeah, you can’t.

Anonymous:

I'm very sorry that that happened to you, but I don't understand how it makes you cheap, worthless or a whore. I also don't understand why you would think that it means that you deserve to die. Do you think the same of other rape victims?

Kayleigh:

Of course not! But those were his words and they describe how I feel right now better than anything else.

Anonymous:

I know that it is very easy to believe it when people say horrible things. But perhaps... you should also believe it when people say good things about you. Of course you feel bad right now, but that doesn't mean that you are bad. If the person who said those things to you is the same person that raped you, surely he isn't a credible source. In fact, I'd say that he is the one who is cheap, and worthless. Please consider what I've said? :)

Kayleigh:

I just feel so… Vulnerable right now. Like, is that what everyone sees me as? Just some girl who allows people to rape her? The first time, I can understand how it wasn’t my fault. But the fact it happened twice now makes me wonder if I am as bad as he said.

Anonymous:

Kay? Are you still there? Please be there.

Kayleigh:

I’m still here. Barely. Thank you for your concern though :)

Anonymous:

Thank God. You're right, you know. You don't deserve what happened to you. Not even the first time. You have handled things so well so far. You looked death in the face and gave it a big fat 'f*** you'. You have so many people on your side, who all want you happy. A Kayleigh standom, almost! Prove us right, and yourself wrong. Show that jerk that nobody messes with Kayleigh Preston and gets away with it!

Kayleigh:

Omfg a Kayleigh standom though
You seem to have more faith in me than I deserve. Thank you :3

Kayleigh Anne-Marie Preston committed suicide the next day.

May 6, 1993 - Jan 31, 2012

You can shed tears that she is gone,
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her only that she is gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

---David Harkins

  

RAINN's Online Helpline

 ♥ Jurney Eve

Would I Be Different?

 

 

Would I be different if you listened?

Try to be born again and be a Christian?

Would I be different if you understood the word "No"?

Or did you take joy in making me feel low?

Would I be different if I actually had the chance to grow?

Or did you assume I was fine and just didn't know?
 

 

Did you hear me when I screamed?

Hushing me up and telling me it was all a dream?

Would I be different if I spoke up?

Then you would get mad if everyone woke up.

Would I be different if my words didn't choke up?

Looking in your eyes and I felt my heart get broken up.

 

 

Would I smile the same way?

Would I praise God every Sunday?

Would I be different in the aspect of valuing life,

Or would I continue to attempt suicide more then twice?

Would I be different if I was a boy,

Or was my innocence meant to be destroyed?

 

 

Poem by:

 Phelicia Amigo-Three Durand

 

 

 

Tiny Angel Aiden

I need to share something with you. This is something so profound that I am somewhat at a loss for words.

It is a blog that was started just yesterday by a good friend of mine who lost her precious baby boy in August of 2009. This is her first time opening up and talking about, not only that day but about how it has affected her and her other two children. 

This is a must read for everyone...but make sure you scroll to the bottom of her blog so you can start at the beginning of her story.

Follow Kara's blog as she allows us to see through her eyes what she went through and continues to go through almost three years after Aiden's death. 

It's called Tiny Angel Aiden.


♥Jurney Eve

Tiny Angel: That dreadful morning

Tiny Angel: That dreadful morning: I awoke that morning to my phone ringing, it was a nurse from United Health Services where my husband had been a patient for a few days. The...