The Hardest Part of Parenting

You know? Before I became a mother, I always assumed that the baby stage would be the hardest stage of parenting for me. Mostly because I had no experience with babies. They intimidated me. They're so vulnerable. I was afraid I was going to break them. How would I get a shirt over their heads without snapping their necks?

As a matter of fact, my firstborn only wore items of clothing that didn't require over the head application until she seemed "sturdy" enough.

Other than their vulnerability, how was I supposed to know what they wanted? Everyone told me I would be able to tell the difference between a "hungry" cry and a "tired" cry but to me they all sounded the same. What if I couldn't tell the difference between a "hurt" cry and a "tired" cry and something bad happened?

I remember when I was pregnant with my firstborn, I called my best friend and cried about how scared I was of becoming a mother. I was so afraid I would do something wrong or I wouldn't be good enough. 

The day my oldest child started talking and could effectively tell me exactly why she was crying was one of the happiest days of my life. It alleviated so much stress for me. Now I didn't have to worry whether she was hurt or hungry because she could simply tell me. Things were "easy" for a few years after that and then came... 

Kindergarten.

Oh man! The day I had to "cut the cord" and release my baby girl into the hands of strangers was so hard! Letting her go and trusting others to love and protect her the way I had been doing for the last 4.5 years was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I remember literally feeling sick to my stomach with worry. And for that moment in time I thought, "This is the hardest part of parenting." But over time it got easier and I learned to love that stage. I loved watching her learn and make new friends. And the older she got, the more she developed into her own person. She's 16 now and I've had the privilege of watching her become an amazing young woman who has a heart for everyone. Who wants to right all of the world's wrongs and I am so proud of her. But, once again I find myself saying, "This is the hardest part of parenting." Right now, she's learning how to "cut the cord," so to speak, and I'm not ready. She's seeking more freedom and wanting new boundaries and I want to give those things to her but I'm having a hard time letting go. I'm trying. I really am but...

She can drive a car now for goodness sake!

It feels like she doesn't need me anymore but I have so much more to teach her. We have so much more to teach each other. 

I love you, baby! Please don't forget that no matter how old you get you will always fit in my arms and we will always need each other.

"Your baby blues
So full of wonder
Your curly cues
Your contagious smile
And as i watch
You start to grow up
All I can do is hold you tight

 Knowing clouds will rage and
Storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms

Castles they might crumble
Dreams may not come true
But you are never all alone
Because I will always
Always love you"

-Plumb

 

♥ Jurney Eve