Sorry I haven't blogged in a while. What's it been? Two weeks? Three?
My days are running into each other. They feel like a blur to me. At the end of each day I feel like I still have an unfinished to-do list that never seems to go away.
But I am getting things accomplished. My house is clean...and if you've been to my house within the last three weeks you would be amazed by that statement.
Cynthia...You can actually see the floor in my laundry room!
But more importantly, I'm making significant progress on the second edition of Intended Harm. It's going to be amazing...at least I think so. I've been talking to *Renee, who is my kidnapper's ex-wife, and she has been sharing some of her personal memories with me, which I will definitely be including in my second edition. My goal is to have it finished by the end of spring.
I had a great day at church this morning. I just LOVE my church! Every Sunday, it doesn't matter what Pastor is preaching about, it feels like he's talking directly to me. Does anyone else ever feel that way at church? It feels like he knows exactly what I'm struggling with and he's there to help me. This morning, for a brief second, I was like, "Is he talking to me?" His message was about how we are all called to be missionaries for God. We don't have to go to a foreign country to do it. We can do it right here. We can do it at our jobs. We can minister to the person sitting next to us just by telling them how God has worked in our lives. He talked about how missionaries that are over seas face a lot of dangers. Not only do they struggle with different diseases and, let's face it, less than comfortable living conditions, a lot of them are thrust into countries with people that want to kill them.
And we complain about facing rush hour traffic.
They didn't worry about being uncomfortable or sick. Well, I'm sure they worried about it but their message outweighed their fear...even their fear of being killed. And that made me think...I have been so worried and afraid of the "what-ifs".
What if *Mr. Smith finds out I wrote this book?
What if it makes him angry?
What if he tries to find me?
What if people think I'm weird?
I need to be more like those missionaries.
Yes, I am worried about the "what-ifs".
Yes, I'm incredibly uncomfortable putting my personal life out for display.
Yes, my heart fluctuates when I talk to a group of people about my story.
But I know that the message I have to share is far more important than my comfort.
That doesn't necessarily make it any easier but it is very encouraging to me. For the past year I have been thinking that it shouldn't be this hard. If this message is something God wants me to share, then wouldn't it come easily to me?
But Pastor's message this morning made me realize that when comfort is more important than serving God, you will never be successful for God. God wants to take us out of our comfort zone. When we are uncomfortable we rely on a strength that is greater than our own.
God gave me this message that he wants me to give to you and no matter how uncomfortable it makes me I'm willing to give it. After all, what I have isn't mine anyway...it's God's.