Zombie Daughter

Today I want to share something that a friend of mine shared with me recently. Not too long ago she attended a journaling and collage workshop called Art For The Heart. The workshop starts out with everyone choosing random pictures from a table. You're told to just choose whatever "speaks" to you. Don't worry about what or why, just choose. Then you take a seat and make a collage out of the pictures you've chosen and when you're all done you complete a journaling exercise based on your collage. She said she was surprised by how much each collage seemed to represent her. That making them contributed to her healing. She said it was an amazingly spiritual experience for her. Painful at times because when completing the journaling exercise some old wounds came to the surface and she was forced to deal with them, but overall it was an incredibly rewarding experience that she highly recommends.

She gave me permission to share one of her collages with you. This particular collage deals with a dark time in her life after her decision to abort her baby and the shame and regret she felt for so long because of it. I think it is truly a beautiful thing when someone allows others to see their pain. It's not an easy thing to do, especially when a Christian is opening up about abortion. There is a lot of healing power in that, not only for the person sharing it but for the ones who witness it. So I hope Kristy's art touches you as much as it has touched me.

                           (Sorry about the picture quality. I took it with my phone. I wish I had taken a 
better picture so you could see it how I did.)

Zombie Daughter

I am the Zombie Daughter. I am the one who feels nothing. I am emotionally dead. I am buried in stench and death because I took my child's opportunity for life! I am the one who goes through life in a zombie-like state covering over who I really am, hoping someone will hear me scream behind my veil.

The Zombie Daughter was with me for 19 years-imprisoned by shame, self-hatred, guilt and unforgiveness. She thinks she deserves to be surrounded by the stench of death. The dark, bloody cloud is always hovering over her, keeping her down. She tries to creep up with her attitude of unforgiveness at times but has in every other way and for this particular sin...she has been saved.

At the time, during those years, I was her judge, jury, and convictor. She didn't deserve life, joy, forgiveness, love and absolutely, without question, did not deserve the love of God. He would think she was despicable in His holy presence! 

In no way does she reveal God's dignity!

Oh Lord, this was my scarlet letter. My choice. My abortion buried me; buried my soul in a pit of death's stench! I am so forgiving of others but was last to forgive if to say what Jesus did on the cross wasn't big enough to cover my sin. How could I say that?!? How arrogant! It absolutely was and I am forever grateful to Him for forgiving me.

"You know I was with you-even then. 
I have shown you how I loved you even 
as this choice was being made!! 
You chose to shut me out. I tried to woo you even then! 
She was always my daughter. I cried with her! 
I know of every tear that was shed behind that veil.
Each one was and is precious to me. 
I removed the stench of death. 
I breathed in forgiveness, life, love, joy 
and I see nothing but beauty my daughter!"

I love you Father!

♥Jurney Eve

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