I am having...what I consider...a serious problem and I don't know how to fix it.
I am the mother of three children, ages 15, 10 and 6. Therefore, some of you may look to me for advice thinking that, maybe what you're going through with your children, I have gone through with my children. I've always been able to relate to the trials of other mothers...until now.
Tuesday, my ten-year-old son gets off the bus and tells me that my wonderful daughter, who's in kindergarten, flashed some second grade boys, mardi gras style, on the bus ride home. My immediate thoughts were, "I'm sure this is a misunderstanding. She was wearing a kind of baggy shirt. Maybe it hung a little low and the boys saw down her shirt. My baby girl would NEVER show her boobies. Surely, I've taught her better."
So, I sit her down and I ask her, "Did you show some boys on the bus your boobies?"
And she says, "Am I not supposed to?"
After the initial shock of what she just said wore off, I proceeded to lecture her all about private parts and the reasons why we keep them private. I must have rambled on for at least 30 minutes. I not only emphasized the importance of modesty, I told her about how much trouble she could get into by the school for what she did. At the end of the conversation, I asked her if she understood why she shouldn't show her boobies and she said she did. I was confident that I had gotten through to her and that we would never have this problem again.
However, the next day, as the children were exiting the bus, my daughter's friend approaches me. She stared at me with a sort of, "deer in the headlights" look and says, "Kd showed me her boobies on the bus today."
After graciously accepting this information, I promptly marched Kd home and had, yet another lecture about private parts and the importance of modesty, but this time there was an emphasis on just how much trouble she could get into.
I admit, I tried to scare her into understanding just how much she shouldn't show people her private parts.
I told her that if I did that the police would put me in jail. I couldn't believe she did it again. I was flabbergasted! I never had this problem with my other children. I don't understand. I asked her why she wanted to show people her boobies and she just giggled and answers with, "I don't know."
I started analyzing every second of the last six years of our lives trying to figure out where I had gone wrong. What had I done to this child that would make her want to show people her boobies?
When I thought I had said everything I had to say, I asked her, "Do you understand why you shouldn't show people your private parts?"
And she said, "Yes. I shouldn't show my boobies to anyone who's gonna tell on me."
And I was like, "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!! You shouldn't show your boobies to anyone!!!!!"
What was going on in my child's head? I'm pretty strict about what my kids watch on tv. I couldn't figure out why my kindergarten girl felt a desire to show people her private parts.
The next day, my son wasn't feeling well so he stayed home and my neighbor, Pam, drove Kd to school for me. Pam drives her kids to and from school every day because her oldest son is bullied on the bus and the school won't do anything to help him...but that's an entirely different blog all together. So this particular morning, Pam was driving her kids, a neighbor's kid, who is also a subject of bullying, and my daughter to school. Pam starts making small talk with her passengers. She asks one of the kids, "How's the bus ride home going for you? Are you having anymore problems with bullying?" He says, "No."
Then Kd says, "I've been having problems."
Pam says, "Really?" What kind of problems have you been having?"
Pam had no idea about Kd's flashing incidents because
I hadn't told her so this was a complete shock to her.
Kd says, "I've been showing my boobs."
"Yeah, I've been showing my boobs. I forgot there was cameras on the bus so..."
After Pam drops the kids off at school, she calls me to tell me about this strange conversation she had with Kd and I realized that my lectures have had absolutely no effect on her what-so-ever. Kd still has no idea why she shouldn't show people her boobies and I have absolutely no idea how to get through to her.
I decided I needed to take this matter higher.
That afternoon, when she got off the bus, I asked her if she had shown anyone her boobies. She said, "no."
But I wanted to ask her about the camera comment she had made to Pam that morning. I thought it was necessary to explain to her that even if there weren't cameras on the bus, she shouldn't show people her boobies because God doesn't need cameras to see you. He sees you ALL the time.
And she said, "Did He see me show my boobies?!?"
And I said, "Yes He did."
"Do you think He's mad?!?"
"I think He's disappointed."
Yes, I used God to make my daughter feel guilty.
I felt cornered. Helpless. I didn't know what else to do. Besides...was I wrong? I mean, He did see her and I'm sure He was disappointed.
I don't know what's going through my six year old's brain right now, and I really hope it passes soon, but until then, I don't care what you say, if instilling the fear of God in her is what helps her understand then I'm all for it...and maybe a little therapy too...for the both of us.
♥ Jurney Eve