Breaking Free

Today I did something I have been planning on doing for the last twenty years.

I bought a bicycle and I rode it.

If you are not familiar with my story you may be thinking, "Big deal! What's so special about that?" Well, I'll tell you.

Twenty years ago, I was riding my bicycle when a man ran me over with his pickup truck...on purpose. Yes, on purpose! After running me over he did a slew of other things to me which landed him in prison and me in a sort of prison of my own. In my prison, I felt as if everyone around me was trying to hurt me so I had to constantly be on my guard. I couldn't go to certain places or I couldn't do certain things because they would make me vulnerable. I lived in fear of everyone around me. I looked at each and every person as a possible crazy person who just wanted to hurt me. I stopped doing a lot of things because of this fear of "what could happen to me". One of which was riding a bicycle. 

For a long time, I felt I couldn't get back on a bicycle because it would remind me of that day and of what that man did to me. But lately, I've been dealing with my memories instead of suppressing them and because of that I thought it was time for me to deal with  this fear as well. 

I could get back on a bicycle. 

But when I let myself really think about it and imagine myself riding on the side of the road with my back to traffic, I had a mini panic attack.  It felt like my blood was racing through my veins. I could feel my heart pounding inside of my chest. As much as I wanted to tackle this next obstacle, I wasn't sure if I actually could. 

But who says you have to ride on the side of the road with your back to traffic? Well, I guess technically the law says that but have you ever seen anyone actually enforce it?.......Me neither. So I've decided I would buy a bicycle and I would ride it on the sidewalk. 

I'm such a rebel! 

And that's exactly what I did today and I'm going to do it again tomorrow.

What did you do today?

♥ Jurney Eve


Can Anybody Hear Her?

This song has been on my heart lately. Probably because I was once just like that lost girl who was running 100 miles per hour in the wrong direction. If everyone had turned their backs on me because of my "scarlet letter" then I would have turned out to be a much different person than I am today.
"Be the change you want to see in the world".

Can anybody hear her?
Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even know she's going down today?
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me

Judgement looms under every steeple
In lofty glances from lofty people
We can't see through her scarlet letter
And we never even met her.

Can anybody hear her?
Can anybody see?

♥ Jurney Eve


It's OK To Tell by Lauren Book

I just read a book called It's Ok To Tell by Lauren Book and I simply MUST recommend it to you.

Lauren was a victim of childhood sexual abuse for six years at the hands of her nanny starting at the age of 11. She kept her abuse a secret for all of those years because her abuser knew exactly how to keep Lauren silent through manipulation and fear. In her book, Lauren gives you a unique insight into what she was feeling during the abuse and why she felt she couldn't tell anyone what was happening to her.

What I find so amazing about it is how she answers the question that so many victims of childhood sexual abuse face...and that is...Why didn't you tell someone about your abuse?

I am also in awe of Lauren's courage. Not only did she have the strength to tell her story but she had the strength to face people and their accusations.

When I reported my rape, no one questioned whether or not I was raped.
No one asked me why I went for a bike ride all by myself.
No one asked me why I was wearing what I was wearing.
No one asked me if I enjoyed it.

Lauren had to endure questions that no rape victim should ever have to answer.

She inspires me. Not only does she have the courage to tell but she is truly making a difference. Armed with the knowledge that 95 percent of sexual abuse is preventable through education, Lauren has worked to turn her horrific personal experience into a vehicle to prevent childhood sexual abuse and heal survivors by starting Lauren's Kids.

Lauren's Kids encourages victims to "shine a light in dark places" and "shed the shame." Lauren's Kids is based in South Florida and educates adults and children about sexual abuse topics through in-school curriculum, a 24-hour Crisis Hotline and speaking engagements around the country. She also has taken proactive efforts to make Florida a safer place through advocacy for the passage of State Laws that protect and help victims heal and become survivors.

Lauren's Kids holds an annual, statewide "Walk in My Shoes" event, which brings together survivors and advocates on a walk across Florida to raise awareness and promote supportive legislation. This year I am going to show my appreciation for Lauren by participating in the third annual Walk in My Shoes event on February 4th.

Won't you consider joining me?

♥ Jurney Eve