What Christianity is Not - from Imperfect People In Love With A Perfect God

What Christianity Is Not...

What you wear to church on Sunday
Who you know
Where you are from
What church you did or didn’t grow up in
A denomination
A pastor
A magic prayer
A ritual
A megaphone yelling about eternal damnation
A club
A church
How perfect you seem or don’t seem
What you have or haven’t done
It is not hate.  It is the opposite of hate
It’s not a religion, it’s a relationship
It’s more than a relationship it is love on a completely new level.  It is a love that says no matter who you are, where you are from, what you have done, or who you have done it with, you are perfect.  You are whole, you are new again, and you are mine.  I am so in love with everything you do.  You are perfectly imperfect and I love you. 

Imperfect People

The Countdown Begins

Only 34 days until I move to Florida! 

I'm excited and sad at the same time. 

I'm nowhere near ready. 
I still need to pack and disassemble everything.

 We still haven't closed on the house in Florida even though our closing date was May 20. 

They've extended it until May 27 because they're too incompetent to meet their own closing date. 

I'm a little stressed? 

Can you tell?

I'm going to miss all of the great friends I've made here. 

Not to mention all of my friends and family in New York and Vermont. 

Everyone is going to be so far away.

But I hear that Florida is the #1 family vacation spot in the world, so I'm looking forward to all of them visiting me. 

♫ I'll have a guest room. ♫

♥ Jurney Eve

My Tribute to Tori

Today I would like to pay tribute to Tori Amos. For those of you who aren't familiar with Tori, allow me to introduce her.

There she is.

Tori holds a place very close to my heart because she was the first person who I ever heard tell their story about being raped. I heard it for the first time in 1993, two years after I was raped. She's a musician so she told her story through a song she wrote called, Me and a Gun.

I would listen to that song over and over again. Finally there was someone who understood my pain. And even though I wasn't ready to speak out about what happened to me then, Tori's lyrics gave me a sliver of strength every time I heard them.

In Tori's own words, she says...

"I'll never talk about it at this level again but let me ask you. Why have I survived that kind of night, when other women didn't", she says. "How am I alive to tell you this tale when he was ready to slice me up? In the song I say it was 'Me and a Gun' but it wasn't a gun. It was a knife he had. And the idea was to take me to his friends and cut me up, and he kept telling me that, for hours. And if he hadn't needed more drugs I would have been just one more news report, where you see the parents grieving for their daughter". "And I was singing hymns, as I say in the song, because he told me to. I sang to stay alive. Yet I survived that torture, which left me urinating all over myself and left me paralyzed for years. That's what that night was all about, mutilation, more than violation through sex". "I really do feel as though I was psychologically mutilated that night and that now I'm trying to put the pieces back together again. Through love, not hatred. And through my music. My strength has been to open again, to life, and my victory is the fact that, despite it all, I kept alive my vulnerability".

Tori also opened my eyes to lyrics. I had never really paid a lot of attention to lyrics before her. Her passion is what gave me one of my first dreams of grandeur. Lol! I was going to be a singer.
Well, that didn't pan out too well but I am still inspired by her passion and her courage. And so I would like to pay tribute to her.

I apologize for my webcam settings. The audio and video are totally out of sync but I find that if you just close your eyes then you don't even notice. Ha ha ha!

Tori told her story through her music. I told my story through my book. How will you tell your story? There's no right or wrong way. Just tell it. There is power in your voice!


Under Wraps

There have been no new "flashing" incidents from my kindergartener since last Tuesday.

So, hopefully that was just a phase. 

A phase that she will never repeat again.

(Fingers crossed!)

♥ Jurney


The Unrelatable Trials of Motherhood

I am having...what I consider...a serious problem and I don't know how to fix it.

I am the mother of three children, ages 15, 10 and 6. Therefore, some of you may look to me for advice thinking that, maybe what you're going through with your children, I have gone through with my children. I've always been able to relate to the trials of other mothers...until now.

Tuesday, my ten-year-old son gets off the bus and tells me that my wonderful daughter, who's in kindergarten, flashed some second grade boys, mardi gras style, on the bus ride home. My immediate thoughts were, "I'm sure this is a misunderstanding. She was wearing a kind of baggy shirt. Maybe it hung a little low and the boys saw down her shirt. My baby girl would NEVER show her boobies. Surely, I've taught her better." 

So, I sit her down and I ask her, "Did you show some boys on the bus your boobies?"

And she says, "Am I not supposed to?"

After the initial shock of what she just said wore off, I proceeded to lecture her all about private parts and the reasons why we keep them private. I must have rambled on for at least 30 minutes. I not only emphasized the importance of modesty, I told her about how much trouble she could get into by the school for what she did. At the end of the conversation, I asked her if she understood why she shouldn't show her boobies and she said she did. I was confident that I had gotten through to her and that we would never have this problem again.

However, the next day, as the children were exiting the bus, my daughter's friend approaches me. She stared at me with a sort of, "deer in the headlights" look and says, "Kd showed me her boobies on the bus today."

After graciously accepting this information, I promptly marched Kd home and had, yet another lecture about private parts and the importance of modesty, but this time there was an emphasis on just how much trouble she could get into. 
I admit, I tried to scare her into understanding just how much she shouldn't show people her private parts. 

I told her that if I did that the police would put me in jail. I couldn't believe she did it again. I was flabbergasted! I never had this problem with my other children. I don't understand. I asked her why she wanted to show people her boobies and she just giggled and answers with, "I don't know."

I started analyzing every second of the last six years of our lives trying to figure out where I had gone wrong. What had I done to this child that would make her want to show people her boobies?

When I thought I had said everything I had to say, I asked her, "Do you understand why you shouldn't show people your private parts?"

And she said, "Yes. I shouldn't show my boobies to anyone who's gonna tell on me."

And I was like, "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!! You shouldn't show your boobies to anyone!!!!!"

What was going on in my child's head? I'm pretty strict about what my kids watch on tv. I couldn't figure out why my kindergarten girl felt a desire to show people her private parts.

The next day, my son wasn't feeling well so he stayed home and my neighbor, Pam, drove Kd to school for me. Pam drives her kids to and from school every day because her oldest son is bullied on the bus and the school won't do anything to help him...but that's an entirely different blog all together. So this particular morning, Pam was driving her kids, a neighbor's kid, who is also a subject of bullying, and my daughter to school. Pam starts making small talk with her passengers. She asks one of the kids, "How's the bus ride home going for you? Are you having anymore problems with bullying?" He says, "No." 

Then Kd says, "I've been having problems."

Pam says, "Really?" What kind of problems have you been having?" 

Pam had no idea about Kd's flashing incidents because
I hadn't told her so this was a complete shock to her.

Kd says, "I've been showing my boobs."


"Yeah, I've been showing my boobs. I forgot there was cameras on the bus so..."

After Pam drops the kids off at school, she calls me to tell me about this strange conversation she had with Kd and I realized that my lectures have had absolutely no effect on her what-so-ever. Kd still has no idea why she shouldn't show people her boobies and I have absolutely no idea how to get through to her.

I decided I needed to take this matter higher.

That afternoon, when she got off the bus, I asked her if she had shown anyone her boobies. She said, "no."  

Small victory.

But I wanted to ask her about the camera comment she had made to Pam that morning.  I thought it was necessary to explain to her that even if there weren't cameras on the bus, she shouldn't show people her boobies because God doesn't need cameras to see you. He sees you ALL the time. 

And she said, "Did He see me show my boobies?!?"

And I said, "Yes He did."

"Do you think He's mad?!?"

"I think He's disappointed."

"Oh no!"

Yes, I used God to make my daughter feel guilty.

I felt cornered. Helpless. I didn't know what else to do. Besides...was I wrong? I mean, He did see her and I'm sure He was disappointed. 

I don't know what's going through my six year old's brain right now, and I really hope it passes soon, but until then, I don't care what you say, if instilling the fear of God in her is what helps her understand then I'm all for it...and maybe a little therapy too...for the both of us. 

♥ Jurney Eve