Chances and Changes

God has been opening some pretty big doors for me lately. Ever since I started on my "journey to heal"...which is what I refer to as the last four years of my life; from the time I got the idea to write about being kidnapped to the present day...I've been asking God to show me what He wants me to do with my story. Who does He want me to help? I want to help as many people as I can. I just don't know how to get started doing that.

I know I'm not going to help anyone unless I put myself out there and talk about it. The problem I'm having is I'm not sure who to approach. My story isn't for everyone. My story is about surviving and healing from a violent sexual assault, which isn't exactly geared for a mainstream audience. But one might think I could approach women's clinics or charity groups or something along those lines. But another very important aspect of my story, and I think the most important aspect, is the relationship I developed with God throughout the last 20 years of my life, which is responsible for healing me. If it wasn't for God I wouldn't be the person I am today. Therefore, I believe I must include Him when I share my story.

Do you see my dilemma?

So...back to the doors that God is opening for me...

Apparently April is Sexual Assault Awareness month and many places all around the nation are raising awareness by hosting events and I have been asked to speak at one of them. On April 14th I will share my story, my whole story, God and all, to approximately 300 people at a college in upstate NY! Is this my answer from God?  We'll see. I'm so excited yet completely terrified at the same time. I'll let you know how that goes.

I'm still working on the second edition of Intended Harm but I don't think my goal of having it finished by the end of spring is going to happen because of another huge, life altering change that is about to happen in my family. We are being relocated to Florida this summer with my husband's job. He actually leaves on April 6th because they need him by April 11th, but the kids and I will stay behind to finish out the school year. So I will, essentially, be a single mother to three kids for a couple of months, while working two jobs, editing my book, writing a speech and I'll also be responsible for packing everything we own. I'm very grateful but at times I feel completely overwhelmed. 

Oh no! Look at the time! I'm gonna have to wrap this up because I have to be at my daughter's school in a few minutes. It's Wednesday and on Wednesdays I volunteer in her classroom. 

Thank you God for all of the blessings in my life. 



You Must Be Willing To Be Ridiculed To Stand Up For What You Believe In.

Sorry I haven't blogged in a while. What's it been? Two weeks? Three? 

My days are running into each other. They feel like a blur to me. At the end of each day I feel like I still have an unfinished to-do list that never seems to go away.

But I am getting things accomplished. My house is clean...and if you've been to my house within the last three weeks you would be amazed by that statement. 

Cynthia...You can actually see the floor in my laundry room!

But more importantly, I'm making significant progress on the second edition of Intended Harm. It's going to be least I think so. I've been talking to *Renee, who is my kidnapper's ex-wife, and she has been sharing some of her personal memories with me, which I will definitely be including in my second edition. My goal is to have it finished by the end of spring.

I had a great day at church this morning. I just LOVE my church! Every Sunday, it doesn't matter what Pastor is preaching about, it feels like he's talking directly to me. Does anyone else ever feel that way at church? It feels like he knows exactly what I'm struggling with and he's there to help me. This morning, for a brief second, I was like, "Is he talking to me?" His message was about how we are all called to be missionaries for God. We don't have to go to a foreign country to do it. We can do it right here. We can do it at our jobs. We can minister to the person sitting next to us just by telling them how God has worked in our lives. He talked about how missionaries that are over seas face a lot of dangers. Not only do they struggle with different diseases and, let's face it, less than comfortable living conditions, a lot of them are thrust into countries with people that want to kill them. 

And we complain about facing rush hour traffic.

They didn't worry about being uncomfortable or sick. Well, I'm sure they worried about it but their message outweighed their fear...even their fear of being killed. And that made me think...I have been so worried and afraid of the "what-ifs". 

What if *Mr. Smith finds out I wrote this book?

What if it makes him angry?

What if he tries to find me?

What if people think I'm weird?

What if...?

What if...?

What if...?

I need to be more like those missionaries. 

Yes, I am worried about the "what-ifs". 

Yes, I'm incredibly uncomfortable putting my personal life out for display.

Yes, my heart fluctuates when I talk to a group of people about my story.

But I know that the message I have to share is far more important than my comfort. 

That doesn't necessarily make it any easier but it is very encouraging to me. For the past year I have been thinking that it shouldn't be this hard. If this message is something God wants me to share, then wouldn't it come easily to me? 

But Pastor's message this morning made me realize that when comfort is more important than serving God, you will never be successful for God. God wants to take us out of our comfort zone. When we are uncomfortable we rely on a strength that is greater than our own. 

God gave me this message that he wants me to give to you and no matter how uncomfortable it makes me I'm willing to give it. After all, what I have isn't mine's God's.

 ♥Jurney Eve